Planting the seeds of a space of love..

So, life has called me into action again. I realize that the key to me realizing my dreams is simply taking little steps to lead to their realization. It's a good feeling! That is my thought for the day...

With you my beloved,
I will build an eden on Earth.
We will converse with God,
And know our divinity.

Realizations...

So, I think I've once again had a bit of a paradigm shift. I have my goal to eventually be self-sufficient on a piece of land that is 2.5 acres. It's a really lofty and intimidating goal from where I am right now. Not to mention, I want to find someone I love that will co-create this vision with me. I realized last night that it isn't about getting this done. If I contemplate the entirety of my dream from where I sit now, I overwhelm and discourage myself. Instead, I can start planting all the wonderful herbs and vegetables I will grow on this plot. I can start studying about healing herbs. I can start studying the art of beekeeping. Rather than worrying about a lover I can just live the life I want to live trusting that they will show up. So, I feel much better today needless to say.

Life is a beautiful beautiful thing.
Let me never forget it again.

Little bit of a break

I'm back after a bit of a break. Seattle was an absolutely amazing experience. It truly taught me that to be with the person I want to be with, I need to start living my life THAT way. What a simple yet profound revelation. I've been half living it and half not. Well, time to shift that. The other thing I realized while I was there is how much I prefer nature and rural settings to the city. I loved Seattle the city, but the forest is where I feel at home. I will strive to make my space of love in rural Northern Oregon a reality. I can't wait to watch it unfold!

The semblance of life cannot imitate the real thing.

You can't please everyone, so you have to please yourself

This has been a big realization for me lazy. When I try to appease those around me, I actually add to their upset at me. It's best to not worry about it. Also, I realized that I've buried my neediness under a careful rotation of friends. This was very frightening to confront in some ways. I definitely thought that was pretty devious of me. I even fooled myself! Lately though as I have had more space, I've realized that the neediness was just buried. I guess it's just part of human nature. I think that the neediness is a valuable thing. It really means that in some way I'm not meeting my own needs. I just used to project it onto other people. It will be interesting to see where this realization leads to.

Off to Seattle,
Beautiful rain to herald the journey.
It's a prequel to the beautiful cloudiness ahead.

Thoughts for the day...

Well, this is a new development, but I'm considering going completely raw and vegan. It will be an adventure in food land. This is going to be very doable for me because I only work 3 days a week. Lately, I've felt drawn to simplify not only my diet, but also my life. I have tuned into how my body feels when I'm eating raw/whole foods. I've noticed that a snack of only raw cashews leaves me energized and ready to take on the day! Everything seems to be pointing me in the direction of going raw and vegan. I keep connecting with others that share this desire or are already living this way! It is incredible. I am going to take this on as an experiment for myself in healthy living :) I have faith that the universe can help my diet be balanced and that the food will provide me with everything I need.


Angel wings just can’t be as soft as an infants hair
Power and riches mean nothing in the wake of a single child’s laughter.
Saints and Madonnas are profane compared to new born innocence.
God even acknowledges the piece of divinity born to each mother.

Chorus
Why is it all creation sees new birth and sings?
What’s more, why is it we somehow miss the song?
A child is a singularity in the world, the universe.
How differently we’d treat each child if we knew the truth.

The guru’s wisdom seems simple next to an infant’s insight
Brave heroes play it safe compared to the adventurous toddler.
Even pantheons and legends must give way before the eternity in those eyes.
Nothing surpasses the youngest breathing Man.

Chorus
Why is it all creation sees new birth and sings?
What’s more, why is it we somehow miss the song?
A child is a singularity in the world, the universe.
How differently we’d treat each child if we knew the truth.

Bridge
See the strength in their fluidity
See the beauty in each gap toothed smile.
Teach me, you who yet remember
The secrets of eternity.

Chorus
Why is it all creation sees new birth and sings?
What’s more, why is it we somehow miss the song?
A child is a singularity in the world, the universe.
How differently we’d treat each child if we knew the truth.

Days of rest are much needed

So, I had several realizations yesterday. I really enjoy taking a day off of my "routine." I think that any pattern no matter how beneficial needs to be broken up from time to time or that becomes our new comfort zone. I really like going without blogging, artist pages, and my abundance exercise for a day a week. Meditation is still a must no matter what, but skipping the rest gave me a new relish to do it when I woke up this morning. The second insight occurred in regards to a particular person in my life. I realized that unconditional love means accepting them exactly as they show up for me even if that isn't necessarily how I WANT them to show up in my life. I realized that by staying in this unconditional place without any expectations and constraints allows me to be happy no matter the outcome. I realized too that I need to stop using excuses to get out of things I don't want to do. I think it will be much better if I say straight up: "not interested." Plain and simple. Haha. That all being said, I'm stoked for Seattle. Here's another new song I wrote. Thought I'd share it here! (Well, here are the lyrics)

Rip Van Winkle

Vs. 1
Go back to sleep
Against the ancient oak
Forget your worries
Neath a blanket of leaves
Sleep till all's changed
Sleep till the world's become new and strange

Chorus
Dreams offer escape from the chaos
Sleep entices with it's obliviating touch
Turn back over with a tired sigh
Why struggle to live when you've found peace?
A blanket, red and gold; brown and orange
Given so generously by Mother Earth
Welcome tired pilgrim to journey's end
Long we've waited for Man to find us again

Vs. 2
Primal rebirth to the wild
Overgrown frosty beard, tangled with twigs
Former friends don't recognize
A face free of care
Sleep's made its change
Sleep's made you someone new and strange

Bridge
I'll follow Rip Van Winkel
Lay down my heavy woes
Be cleansed by virgin rains
Freed from Adam's chains.

Chorus
Dreams offer escape from the chaos
Sleep entices with it's obliviating touch
Turn back over with a tired sigh
Why struggle to live when you've found peace?
A blanket, red and gold; brown and orange
Given so generously by Mother Earth
Welcome tired pilgrim to journey's end
Long we've waited for Man to find us again

Couplet
I've gone to sleep, perhaps I'm dead.
No, I sense new life is woken in me instead.

Almost 25% through the year

The time has seemed to fly by lately. I can't believe I've already been doing this blog for that long. Well, what has been on my mind today? I've been thinking how often we go outside of ourselves for answers. I have found lately that the solutions I've searched externally were internal all along. It's not about being an island, but for me I have learned that my first reflex should be to turn in and look rather than reach out. It's an interesting idea I've been toying with today.


Fairies

Silvery drops cascade down the wet rocks
Tiny stars in a small galaxy.
Staring eyes peer up from the stream bed
Full of distrust and curiosity.

Hook
Fairies! Fairies! Screams a happy child.
Good sense would tell him to hush up!
Still, why rush to spoil his pretending?

Chorus
I’ll paint what I will on my canvas
Call me childish or naive.
Fairies may seem too fantastic
Though what harm is it to believe?
Fill up the blue sky with rainbows
The world’s far more friendly in rose.
What harm comes of being happy
I’ll create my world as I choose.

Adult
No time for streams in adult life
Can’t find the five minutes to spare.
Run by fast missing all of the flowers
Blind to magic alive everywhere.

Hook
Fairies, fairies? I see a rock!
What’s the point of this anyway?
Daddy’s far too busy.
Save it for another day.

Nooooo

Chorus
I’ll paint what I will on my canvas
Call me childish or naive.
Fairies may seem too fantastic
Though what harm is it to believe?
Fill up the blue sky with rainbows
The world’s far more friendly in rose.
What harm comes of being happy
I’ll create my world as I choose.

Bridge
Never walk past a flower
Without stopping to inhale.
Take those 5 minutes and stop
To see leaves floating down a stream.
All nature is constantly singing
Reminding us all of her love.
If we could but remember
How we once were enthralled by her song.

Chorus
I’ll paint what I will on my canvas
Call me childish or naive.
Fairies may seem too fantastic
Though what harm is it to believe?
Fill up the blue sky with rainbows
The world’s far more friendly in rose.
What harm comes of being happy
I’ll create my world as I choose.

A theory on love and soulmates...

I had an interesting realization today that perhaps it is our society's obsession with love and finding it (in a romantic sense) that causes our society to have less and less of it. Look at marriages, divorce rates have never been higher. I actually think that we have become obsessed with some unattainable form of compatibility. It's as if we can just find someone that meets every item on our lists, then we could be happy. No one ever thinks of becoming the one able of not only receiving love but giving it first. No one looks at every interaction throughout the day as an opportunity to reaffirm love. I think we could all be happier if we through the idea of "soulmate" out the window. For me the proof is in how I feel when I contemplate soulmate. It implies a scarcity right off the bat. I have to go out there and find someone that is my "match." What a limiting way of looking at the world. I have been living this way for a long time, but I think it's finally time to throw it out the window. I'd rather believe that many possible lovers exist out there for me and it's all dependent on my vibration. The universe will change who it lines me up with as my vibration shifts. In any given moment, a lover that is a vibrational match is waiting to come in. To me this way of looking at things turns my search into a journey with many meetings and parting. Let's also take a step back further and look at how much love we all have in our lives to begin with. Everyone has friends, most have family, teachers, pets, etc. Our lives are already overflowing with love should we choose to view it that way. Rather than asking the universe to yield to me the lover, I would ask for the universe to help me let go of my expectations, rigid criteria, narrow-mindedness, and lack perspective on love. I ask for help to BE LOVE in every moment. I ask for the sight to see the love right in front of me. I ask for the ability to love myself more fully. I ask for the ability to recognize my love when they come into my life :)

Love is always inside me first and foremost.

A space of love...

I saw today that I can take love wherever I go. I can hear the music in any noise. I can see the beauty in any ugliness. That is a magnificent gift! I know that I won't always feel as connected as I have today, but I know that I can get back there. I see that the world around me can be an Eden no matter what. There is beauty and inspiration even in the ugliest of situations. Ahh. It feels good to be alive today!


The Streets of Salt Lake City

Vs. 1

Walking down the wide streets of the city
The scenery is ugly but familiar and pretty.
Beep beep beep goes the crosswalk light
It’s 2 am there’s not a soul in sight.

Chorus
How can I feel so alone
Surrounded by all these people?
Dialing a number on the telephone
Praying I find someone to distract me.
Emptiness is closing in, surrounding
Threatening to eradicate my heavy heart.

Vs. 2

A pathetic drunk at the same old bar
Riding around in my best friend’s car
Searching for somewhere alive and loud
To numb out and zone out with a crowd.

Pre chorus
No wonder I feel so empty
Living a life this dull.

Chorus
How can I not feel so alone
Trying to find myself in people?
Dialing a number on the telephone
Always using others to distract me.
Emptiness is closing in, surrounding
But I see what can save my heavy heart.

Bridge
Walking the streets of the city alone
Sober and quiet, threw away that God damn phone.
Contemplating a new way of life
Far away from Urban strife.
The boredom I feared in solitude
Could be the very path to fortitude.

Chorus
Now confident even alone.
Not looking to find myself in people.
Finally turned off that telephone
Done using anything to distract me.
Blessed solitude has enfolded, surrounding
Never knew I could be so light hearted.

Day of rest..

Sometimes it's nice to take a break... (today)

One day of rest a week...

I realized that I need to take a day a week to myself. That means a break from all of my routines including my blogs. I plan on meditating still, but I think a day off will help keep my activities fresh. I declare this day to be Sunday. It's the perfect day for me to shake up my order and routine. I still plan on meditating on that day though. Meditation is just too amazing to miss out on any day.

To the point is best.

Why create

I came to the juncture again today where I began questioning why I do creative projects. Is it for the validation or praise I may get? Is it to prove something to myself or others? These reasons seem shallow and empty of satisfaction when I look at them. The real reason I want to create is the joy I get out of allowing something to flow through me. It is an amazing rush. I think we all to a certain extent chase approval and acknowledgement from our peers. What I can tell from my experience is that when I leave others out of the equation creatively, I create something far more beautiful and meaningful. I want my reason for creation to be 100% because of the joy it allows me to feel. I know when I can live in that constantly, amazing things will flow through me.

I open myself to the flow of grace and genius that is constantly around me.
I don't of myself do anything, but when I pair myself with the GOD who flows through all, anything is possible.

Keeping it simple

I think I want to simplify my life a bit. I'm declaring that I'm going to be living in the country somewhere near the Oregon Coast within the next 3 years!

I am whole and perfect NOW!

Swimming upstream or downstream?

Well, Again today I was given a choice.. Do I swim against the current or go downstream? It's an interesting way to look at things. I find that life will constantly give to us circumstances that are undesirable and desirable. It is up to us how we react to them. I've learned that life goes best when I can just roll with whatever life hands to me. Solutions seem to emerge miraculously out of thin air. So, once again I will go downstream instead of bucking the current. I think everything will work out for the best as it always does. Pondering the options actually, I can see that the circumstances I desired will be best served by going with the flow. Interesting. Ok, this post may seem a bit abstract. It was my thought process voiced out loud. Well, time to give up the struggle and just float downstream!

Surrender struggle swiftly and serenity surfaces serendipitously.

Paradigm Shift Musically

I sat last night meditating and realized that I have this tendency to rehash my past garbage in my music. This isn't each song that I write, but I've noticed a half and half pattern. I actually want to shift that. I want my music to be always a hopeful and joy giving experience. I think the world has it's fill of tortured artists. I've been one for too long now. I want to create and write from a place of love, joy, beauty, and freedom. The world definitely needs more of that. I realized that if I broadcast a negative message, I'm no better than the media or any other negatively focused organization or individual. Wow. The other major thing that came to me recently has been that I am a very conditional lover of things. If something makes me feel good, I like that thing. If something doesn't, I don't like that thing. Now, that's all very human but I began thinking about that. If I'm closed up all the time because of things I don't like, how can I possibly expect to be open to romantic love coming into my life? I pondered love deeper than this. I realized that any time I feel lonely or disconnected, it is because I am deliberately choosing to not love what is around me. I started as an exercise saying I love you to everyone I encountered. This seemed to be the antidote of any apathy or depression. Suddenly, wherever I am, I feel connected to those around me by our shared humanity.

We're all the same.
Just looking for something.
If we could only realize it's inside.
Maybe all the frantic activity and bustling would pause.

Fatigue..

I realized today as I was running errands in the U car share that I allowed myself to become irritated with traffic around town. I noticed that by the time I got home, I was exhausted from the bad energy. It seemed like the entire universe conspired to make running my errands difficult. Well, that wasn't worth it. I decided then and there that I wanted to shift the course of my day. The energy cost of being unhappy is never worth it. I ended up needing a nap after those errands! Well, I am happy to say that now I'm feeling relaxed and peaceful again. Life is such a beautiful thing. There is far more to be happy about than there is to complain about. I can see that from my now vantage point. Thank God for the ability to start telling a different story.

The light is only as bright or as dim as I make it.

The Anastacia series

I have been reading The Ringing Cedars series by Vladamir Megre and it has been quite the journey the past few days. I have had a strong urge to move when my lease is up into a house where I can have a garden and get back in touch with the earth. I think that is why I was so drawn to gardening as a child. I remember being so happy playing out in the garden, watching the tulips sprout and daffodils bloom. I was obsessed with plants for most of the early part of my life. Somewhere, I think as a teenager, I left that part of myself behind. I would love to get back in touch with it. I'm actually even considering becoming a bee keeper. I think that would be amazing. I really want to overcome my fear of bees wasps and hornets and the like. I love how this idea feels! The best part of all is that I would also save money by having a housemate. I love how this idea feels! Now to allow it to happen by 10/31/10 (the date my lease is up.) It will be exciting indeed to watch things develop and unfold! The idea of a house just lights me up!

Every blooming thing and creature speaks to me.
They remind me that my truest self lives in serenity.

Keeping it simple today..

I just think that really when you boil life down, we're all looking to be happy. I'm feeling happy today. Enough said!

Free as a bird,
I float on my joy.