Click...

So, I had a major realization yesterday. I realized that I have to always be in control. I have a fear of what would happen in a situation where I am not in total control. This is deep rooted for me, and I realized also that it meant I could never allow myself to fully be in love with someone. Wow. I had this come up a lot recently: "Love is a participatory emotion." Alright, I thought, I know what this means. I didn't realize that what it meant for me is that love requires a certain level of vulnerability. Love requires trust and confidence in another. These are things that terrify me deep down inside. Surrender myself to someone else fully? I could never have done that. I've decided to sit with this as I meditate this week and see what emerges. It was a scary thought in many ways. I think I could easily have spent the rest of my life playing it safe and being careful. Love can't happen under those circumstances. So, here I am. I am open to love. I am willing to surrender. I'm willing to place 100% confidence in another. I'm willing to open myself to the possibility of love even if that is scary right now.

The stands are such a safe place.
The field? Another story altogether.