My answer is no one. Recently I had to look at the part of me that feels like I owe my life to my dad. I realized that I was operating from the perspective that I owed my father and mother and family something. What I realized through meditation is that I am born as an individual with the right to my life. It is a choice to give up my life and thus power to others. Just because a father and mother raised me does not mean I owe them anything. I can be grateful for the good and bad, but really my life is mine. This helped a great deal when it came to my sexuality and accepting that. I am bisexual and this has always been an issue with my family. What came to me is that it's not my job to please them. If I take a male lover, it's really none of their business. I have been hiding in part out of a desire to please them. What I've come to is the place where I just want to please myself. I'm done being a people pleaser and allowing others to trample over my boundaries. Up until this point I chose to live this way, and I can just as easily choose to live another. Meditation really has allowed me to get so much more clarity around my hidden shadow selves. Now for a poem! This one is inspired by one of my favorite characters in fictional writing: Arithon Teir S'Ffallenn from the Curse of the Mist Wraith by Janny Wurts.
Deft fingers play across the harp strings.
They carefully lure my heart to open.
That delicate frame was never made for war.
That sensitive soul never meant to rule.
It's a cruel trick of nature that twists his fate.
Cursed twice redemption may come too late.
I sigh for his unvoiced regrets.
I cry for his hidden tears.
Green eyes sparkle with wit and acid
But behind all that there is only a deep love
And hatred for the violent path life has chosen for him.
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