Approval versus Integrity

I found myself in a very interesting situation with my band last night. We were playing a show where the room was just energetically dead and disinterested. I allowed this to throw me off my groove. In fact I can honestly say it was a wooden and empty performance on my part. This got me thinking... Why do I play music? It is for a love of the art or for some kind of approval? I think that there is an underlying element of approval that I've been seeking. In fact, though I am passionate about what I do musically, I tend to second guess myself and wonder how my creation will be received. This isn't the point. In fact even if the room is dead, I can be alive and passionate in what I'm doing. That is my job as an artist. I should be able to love what I'm doing even with an audience of one bored person. I'm actually really grateful for the show last night because it has me reassessing my reasons for pursuing my career as a performer. I think that when I can learn to make it only about my art, I will have the ability to tackle the tough gigs like last night's gig without being phased. I've read story after story about artists that I love having shows where they were booed off the stage. That's the tricky thing about approval: you're never really going to get 100% or really enough to give you full confidence in yourself. Approval of yourself is the only form that is lasting. I feel today that I can get back to basics. I perform/write/sing music because it's who I am. I am an artist and creator. I would do this for free in my empty apartment just for my cats, so why should I care if I'm well received or not? That isn't my intent behind my music. It's about self-expression and having fun getting out there. With that being said, I think it's time to keep the momentum going and schedule another show! Life is very very very good here in my vortex. In fact, if I'm in the vortex about performing it won't matter if the approval is there. I guess it's time to put my money where my mouth is and get in the vortex about my music.

When I am whole and aligned with me,
I'm an inexorable force of nature.