So, last night was a night of realizations. I went to Pure for pride weekend. It was an interesting mix of people. This time though I decided to sit back and observe. I just watched. I turned my night at the club into a meditation. What I saw was myself in the past. I saw the quiet desperation poorly concealed under a facade of bravado. I saw my intense desire to find "something." As my wonderful Abraham friend would say: "You've been looking for love in all the wrong places friend." Now, not that a club is a wrong place per se, it's just that any place is the wrong place without self-love. I took a step back and looked at me. I realized that there is so much to love. I realized that in a way I've been hiding my light under a bushel. It's time for me to shine. I also realized that I can leave behind the need to make anything happen. It was nice to let go of that! I didn't really get approached by anyone, but I didn't see anyone that actually would fit. I think I had been so blinded by the light and smoke and mirrors of glamour that I couldn't see what was right for me! Beauty is all well and good, but it is about as lasting as the morning dew. When the intense light of the sun shines on it, it fades away like a puff of smoke on the breeze. Any love needs to be built on something more lasting than just attraction. I see now how wrong so many of the options I pursued in the past were for me! It's almost as if I subconsciously pursued all the wrong ones on purpose. No more! I did see several nice "shiny" things last night, but the energy simply wasn't right. That being said, I don't think clubs are really my niche anymore. I crave deeper connection and friendship. I crave love in all its many forms be that friendship or romance. The depth and intensity of experience I live for is not to be found at a club or bar I think. Yet, I'm glad I went! It was great to see my old self and new self in such stark contrast. It was a most illuminating night! As for today's poem, I think it may end up being a set of song lyrics.
Starchild
Child of the stars,
Do you know who you are?
Can you see your light
Burning bright?
Born to glimmer
In the sky
Born for greatness
Before you die
And return to the night.
So many would dim you
To soothe themselves
So many would snuff you
To justify their lives.
But you were born to shine!
Born to glimmer
In the sky
Born for greatness
Before you die
And return to the night.
So restless and yearning
Hungry for more.
So desperate to change
What you were before
So eager to rise
On the frosty air.
So brilliant and pure
Radiant child so fair.
Born to glimmer
In the sky
Born for greatness
Before you die
And return to the night.
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