poetry and thoughts

My thoughts from my meditation today were on the subject of loss. Lately, I have had a lot of shifts in my circumstances: my car was totaled, my free internet at my apartment disappeared, and I began filing for bankruptcy about two weeks ago. Despite all this, I have been happier than I ever have been. I discovered instantly after I found out the car was totaled that the bus and trax easily get me to and from work the 3 days a week I work. I also discovered that I would be able to condense my teaching down to two days for the summer. I already own an awesome road bike to get me around town, and the opportunity to walk has led to so many beautiful experiences. In fact I don't even miss the car at all at this point! The internet disappearing has been a boon to my creativity. I discovered that the net is one of my favorite distractions and creative blocks. On the plus side, I get to spend time at a coffee shop every day doing my blog and working on any other projects for the cost of one decaf americano. As to the bankruptcy, all of my debt other than my student loans will be wiped out in one swoop, something that would have taken me years to probably do. Without the car being totaled and me being upside down in my loan, I wouldn't have even considered this option. These changes weren't easy when they first emerged, but I realized that each was a tremendous blessing in disguise. It made me think back. How many times did I fight change in my life when the change was probably the answer to what I was asking? I've been asking for more money, more freedom, more abundance. Not having a car has cut a huge amount of my expenses, I feel more free to just be and not as distracted. Even bankruptcy is a gateway to abundance, a shortcut. Without the extra alone time to reflect, I would not have gotten to the root of the issues around the money problems in the first place. Loss leads to transformation if we let it. I have discovered that time and time again to be true. We couldn't ask for the solution without the problem. The solution often leaves our lives more enriched than before. My life has been a series of losses and then transformations. I think that is the fun of life. If we stopped expanding and growing, we might as well just die and get it over with.

Now poetry time...

Inside I feel a pull

Leading somewhere new.

It's tugging at my heart

Yanking me away from you.

We said this day might come

It came sooner than we thought

Our love turned stale and sour

Despite how hard we fought.

Answer me this mystery

How can it be there then gone?

One minute you're my world

The next I'm indifferent and numb.

Perhaps the war we waged

Sped romance's demise

If we had but relaxed

Surrendered away our lives.

One thing I know for sure

To stay would be suicide

And so I say goodbye

Give you back your life.