Approval versus Integrity

I found myself in a very interesting situation with my band last night. We were playing a show where the room was just energetically dead and disinterested. I allowed this to throw me off my groove. In fact I can honestly say it was a wooden and empty performance on my part. This got me thinking... Why do I play music? It is for a love of the art or for some kind of approval? I think that there is an underlying element of approval that I've been seeking. In fact, though I am passionate about what I do musically, I tend to second guess myself and wonder how my creation will be received. This isn't the point. In fact even if the room is dead, I can be alive and passionate in what I'm doing. That is my job as an artist. I should be able to love what I'm doing even with an audience of one bored person. I'm actually really grateful for the show last night because it has me reassessing my reasons for pursuing my career as a performer. I think that when I can learn to make it only about my art, I will have the ability to tackle the tough gigs like last night's gig without being phased. I've read story after story about artists that I love having shows where they were booed off the stage. That's the tricky thing about approval: you're never really going to get 100% or really enough to give you full confidence in yourself. Approval of yourself is the only form that is lasting. I feel today that I can get back to basics. I perform/write/sing music because it's who I am. I am an artist and creator. I would do this for free in my empty apartment just for my cats, so why should I care if I'm well received or not? That isn't my intent behind my music. It's about self-expression and having fun getting out there. With that being said, I think it's time to keep the momentum going and schedule another show! Life is very very very good here in my vortex. In fact, if I'm in the vortex about performing it won't matter if the approval is there. I guess it's time to put my money where my mouth is and get in the vortex about my music.

When I am whole and aligned with me,
I'm an inexorable force of nature.

The clouds clear...

Well, I discovered yesterday that I needed to channel the angst I was feeling into something positive. Creation is such a wonderful thing. I can't even express how amazing I feel. So much better today than I did yesterday. Creation is such a wonderful thing because it gives an outlet for energy that would otherwise be stagnant and stuck. I think movement in any way is better than being stuck. So, glad that energy moved!

Beautiful release.

Days like this

Well, I guess I had to have one at some point. Today was a major bummer in a lot of ways. I think I made a serious mistake this weekend in being vulnerable with someone who had no appreciation for it. I'm beginning to see a pattern in myself this way. Well, we'll just leave it at that. I know I need to choose happier thoughts and just move on. Sometimes that can be so challenging though. Ahhhh. Ok. Hmmm. I'm thinking about taking a certain action. I mean, I think it may be a very positive choice on my part. I'll have to sleep on it and see how I feel tomorrow. Poem time.

This is an unasked for eulogy.
I cared, though you didn't care that I cared.
You will be missed.

Well, here I am on day 72. Wow. Time is flying by. I found something interesting out about caffeine and meditation. I think the two simply just don't mix. I think that caffeine may be contributing to our cultural sense of lack in the area of time. I have noticed that when I am caffeinated, I tend to feel more scattered and less organized. True, time does go by faster, but I feel like I've accomplished less. I wonder how much of our cultural anxiety is caused by caffeine abuse? It was an interesting thing to mull over today. I think I'm off it for good this time. No point in doing something that doesn't leave me feeling good.

Beautiful flower,
I'll patiently await your unfolding.
The journey is worth it!

Gratitude for my meditation practice

Life is so good when I meditate. I feel calm and grounded after my morning practice of meditating. I don't have a lot on my mind specifically. One thing in particular jumps out at me. I've been working a lot lately with a dream journal to remember and control my dreams. I've started becoming a lucid dreamer. It's been interesting. My dreams tend to have a silver boundary to them. It's almost like being in a movie. I definitely credit some of this breakthrough to my meditation practice. Well, poem time!

Discordant drums beat their chaotic beats
They tear the world apart.
People against people.
Country against people.
People against nature.
Will the world never know peace?
Perhaps when we can set aside the drums of war
And pick up the pipes of peace.

Missed a day..

Well, the inevitable human thing happened. I missed a day. However, I think it was for the best. I had a lotttttttt on my mind yesterday and was processing some big stuff. I like to think of today as a fresh new David. Ahhh. So good! So, what are my thoughts about today? Hmmm. I was thinking how amazing life is at yielding to me what I want when I expect to receive it. I also was thinking about how my only job is to get happy and allow the good things to come to me. That has been so true lately! I feel like I have shifted in a big way. I really got present to a destructive pattern with who I choose to let in my life. I realized that I had been raised by a narcissist and so had a penchant for choosing narcissists as friends. One friendship in particular that I ended recently was particularly bad. I realized that a narcissist was the perfect vibrational answer to my people pleasing. They say a victim for every perpetrator. I say a narcissist for every people pleaser. I was able to get present to how I was being and how that kept this situation constantly in my life in different guises. No more Mr. Nice guy! Well, ok. No more Mister Nice guy when my boundaries get pushed! I feel really good and powerful today.

I am David hear me roar!

Angry as hell and finally able to be with it and admit it..

Well, I had posted something really nasty in this particular post, and decided that though it served at the time, it no longer does. I am going to go back to detaching from the situation. This particular incident was a lesson for me in detachment. I'll leave the poem though because I like it. haha

Poem for the day:

Fuck off and die you psycho bitch.

Angry

Well, today I got angry about a lot of things. I learned that storing an emotion away isn't the same as dealing with it. I'm really grateful for the experience of getting angry. It felt really good! I'm going to keep it short today because that's what is going on with me.

Get pissed and let it go!

Feeling good.

It's a new dawn and new day for me. I feel really, really in my vortex today. I realized that I have some excellent tools to help me in my desire to get back in alignment with me! I can write and channel my angst into my art. I actually wrote two new complete songs today. I still have some other ideas that I need to write about. It is a powerful exercise. I definitely feel that by channeling my emotions into my writing, I'm taking a positive path. Also, I have to say that my meditation practice was so necessary today. I love that I found on outlet for the overwhelming emotions I was feeling. I guess that's the wonderful thing about art, right? So, poetry time.

Scarlet letter me.
Put me down.
It doesn't matter.
Approval is such a sad path to pursue.
The only approval I want this time is my own.

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks...

It truly doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. We came here to leave everyone else on the planet out of the equation. That is a magnificent thing! Sometimes I forget and need to be re-minded, but I love that I can always get back to that. There have been some huge learning experiences for me lately. I have found myself really loving life after the contrast. Expansion always happens whether we expand with it or not. I'm glad I chose to expand this time. Life is really magnificent. I also learned that I have to take my power back and give my attention to the only thing that matters: how I feel! It really doesn't matter what anyone else does. That's the magnificent truth of this reality. Ahhh. I live for days like this one!

Eternally now
Never past or future.
My power lives here.

Deliberately choosing to feel good no matter what...

Well, once again I am back in my vortex. It's such a nice feeling! The bottom line is that no matter how severe the contrast evoked by a situation, there is nothing stopping me from getting back to a feeling good place. The circumstances are either the road-map back to bliss, or the excuse for not feeling good. I took my power back today and decided not to let the uncontrollable bother me. Uncontrollable circumstances abound. I've noticed that if it isn't one thing, it's another. I can choose any number of things to be frustrated over. It's easier and harder to choose something that feels good. Easier because life flows better but harder because it's not what most of us are used to doing. Thank God for the presence of mind to choose something.

Just be...

20% of the way through my year of meditation

It has been an interesting ride thus far. I have realized and learned many wonderful things from my meditation practice. Also, writing a poem every day no matter how trite or short has helped me to realize that being a writer isn't so much an accomplishment or action as it is a state of being. I am grateful for my practice. It helps to keep me grounded and happy. Meditation isn't always easy, but it seems at the most difficult points in life that I gain the greatest benefit from my practice. I like to think of it as a quick time out from reality or pressing the cosmic pause button. I don't think it's about arriving anywhere, but rather about the journey. I know that I have been much happier than I ever have been and more stable and grounded. That alone makes this practice worth it. Ok, poem time!

Crushing, chewing, smacking, biting teeth and tongue devour the banquet.
A hunger deeper and more empty than space consumes me.
I would devour everything in my path in the hopes of being full.
This emptiness and hunger can never be filled it seems though.
I could consume the universe and still it wouldn't be enough.
No, this emptiness needs to just be ok as it is.

Lessons on compassion and patience

Today taught me patience and compassion in a big way. Sometimes, life or those in our life present us with a particularly strong bit of contrast. It may even seem deeply personal and directed as an attack. I remembered today, thank God, that nothing is truly personal. People are all living in and creating their own interpretation of reality. It's not someone else's job to behave in a way that makes me feel good: it's my job to wrap my head around what they are doing in such a way that I can feel good about it. Sometimes, this may seem impossible from where we sit. We may think there is no way to feel good about a set of circumstances or a person. That is when moving up the emotional scale comes in handy. Sometimes our access to feeling better is revenge. Sometimes, it may be anger. It doesn't mean we have to act out of these emotions, rather it means we get to play around in them a little bit. Usually, quicker than not, the anger gives way to forgiveness and compassion. We suddenly see things from a different perspective. I personally had a reminder that I can't control anything another person does, period. So, why get upset when they do something I don't like? So, that was a good reminder that is always my decision to be upset about something or let it go. Also, it reminded me that no one can do anything to hurt or upset me. It's always my choice. Thank you for this lesson!

Scarlet letter
Upon my back
Scarlet letter
Etched in black.

Blame me for everything
I'll be scapegoat.
As long as it helps you feel better.

The intricate modern world

I have heard a lot about getting back to simplicity lately. I thought about this. I understand the utopian ideal and that subconscious desire to return to the "garden of eden" so to speak. What I wonder though is if we can be there even amidst the crazy modern world? Meditation seems to me to be a very valid option to get there. Human evolution has happened the way it has, and really it isn't possible to go back. Many of the modern conveniences are wonderful. I for one am happy that I can hop on a plane next month and see my friend Thomas. It's an interesting conundrum. In many ways life is much crazier than it has ever been, but in many ways I think we have more options for happiness than we have ever had before. I mean, in the past people had way fewer choices than we do today. I can choose to follow whatever spiritual path I want. Can you imagine deciding to be an Atheist during the Middle Ages? Ha. That would not have gone over well. I guess I'll just keep meditating and enjoying the wonders of the modern world. After all, if we focus on the positive we're more likely to attract that.

Pain, real and present pricks at my heart.
I can feel a visceral sensation in my guts.
It's like they are about to tear themselves inside out.
I feel the air knocked out of my chest.
What is this? Who would have known shame could feel this awful.

A needed conversation late into the night...

Well, last night brought me a conversation that was so needed. I love my friends. That's all I can say. This conversation reminded me how important it is to let what doesn't serve go. Human beings always talk about what they would like to be different in their lives. (I include myself in the human being label) We talk of more love, better love, a perfect soul mate, success, riches, abundance, health/vitality, wellness, etc. Somehow though we aren't willing to give up what may be standing in the way of what we want. Sometimes it's a toxic friendship, a toxic lover, that junk food habit, our television watching addiction, sugar addiction, inability to moderate our drinking, etc. It can be many things and we'll justify why we need that thing or ignore our dependence. We become entangled and attached to the very thing that stops us. Like an upset 3 year old, we cling to that security blanket for dear life. What would life be without it? Too scary! Too unknown! No, it's better to stick to the known. Hey, we may not get everything we want that way, but at least we know what we'll get. So much safer that way. For me I realized that I tend to keep around romantic expectations that don't serve me. I'll meet someone I'm attracted to that really could never reciprocate my feelings and I'll keep my little rose colored reverie as a comfort blanket. Someday they'll see me. Someday they'll reciprocate. I realized how toxic and self-destructive this is last night. My attachment to people that could never work means I'm always entangled and frustrated. It wreaks total havoc on my vibration and prevents the person that can fully reciprocate my love from coming in. I made a decision. From now on, I will decide clearly and concisely. A person either can be that possibility or not. No more in-between prospects. It may seem a bit dogmatic, but I feel that life is waiting for us to decide. Without deciding, we cannot summon creative energy to us and we stagnate. I can definitely see how these energetic entanglements I create for myself cause my romantic life to be stagnant. So, here's to a new leaf! Turning it over.... ... .... Now!

I can choose to exit the maze of mirrors any time.
That disclaimer blares over and over again over the loudspeaker system.
But why? Being stuck and struggling is so familiar.
I've really never known life to be any other way.
So, why risk leaving my self-constructed maze when I may hate it more outside.
Nah, I'll stick to delusion and a shadow life.
Nothing ventured nothing lost.
That's my view and I'm sticking to it.
Besides, I have such amazing powers to criticize others from where I sit.
Heaven forbid I get out there and do worse than them.
I really don't think I could handle the caustic remarks directed back at me.
I'm fragile dammit. Don't people get that?
Who cares if they are? They don't matter anyway.
Safety is what I choose. Safety and self-delusion.
It's playing small. I get that. But I just wanna sit on my stump, my soap box
I want to preach and rail against people safely from my bubble of inaction.

Patience

It's amazing how in some aspects of my life I'm able to let things just be while in others I can't seem to let go of control. I find it fascinating. The areas where I can leave well enough alone seem to be the areas in which I absolutely thrive. I think life is more about letting go than it is about meaning. I spent so much time running around trying to make some meaning out of the chaos that is life and it only caused expectations and desires that keep away the very thing I'm wanting. Such a conundrum! I feel like sometimes I have Chinese handcuffs on or something of the like. Well, I guess that is why I meditate. Really, to let go of control, to let go of expectation, to let go of how I think something should look. It's all a process. And poem time!

Why should I even bother?

Peace

Peace is born out of the calming of conflicts. Peace exists in total acceptance of what is. What is is what is. Why argue with that? I have to say that meditation has shown me the path to peace in any situation. There is no amount of anger that cannot be turned to calm. There is no frenetic anxiety that cannot be quieted in solitude. I feel so blessed to have my meditation practice. I learn more and more as I meditate. I learn to not only accept myself more, but also others. The desire to control or change people and situations totally dissipates. Once I accept reality as it is, I suddenly am freed to create anything I want. The energy spent fighting what is, pushing against, can be turned to magnificent creation. That is the beauty and magic of life. That is why we should give our undivided attention to what we want and let reality just be reality. With enough imagination and pretending, a new reality is easy to create. That is the miracle of our existence.

I am so powerful that sometimes I scare myself.
I am so capable and enough that at times I pretend I'm not.
When I came here, I knew my ability to create was unmatched.
Sometimes, when life seems hard I just need a little reminder.

The equality of all things..

I had a profound realization this morning as I watched the sunrise and walked my little sister to her bus stop. I suddenly realized that there is no better source of joy out there. Joy is joy. Anything that makes me happy is priceless be that a sunrise or a friendly smile or a million dollars. I also then realized that any situation in life is not inherently better than an other. For example, being in a relationship isn't better than not being in one nor is being single better than being in a relationship. It is only my mind that establishes a sense of greater than and less than. Wow. That is the source of misery. My decisions about better than and less than. It doesn't mean that I shouldn't want a relationship, it just means that I shouldn't push against being single. Anyways, poem time!

I've got me.

Looking at what is going right...

Meditation is a constant reminder for me that I choose how I experience the world. I succumbed to a moment of pessimism yesterday. I allowed myself to let circumstances out of my control make me feel bad. Rather, I should say simply that I chose to feel bad. It is always a choice isn't it? Luckily, I sat and remembered that one unpleasant thought will only draw another and another and another and another. Meditation allows me and all of us to break that cycle. When we quiet our mind, we are given a blank slate to rewrite our experience in that moment. Thankfully, the reverse is true. A positive thought leads to another and another and another until an avalanche of well-being floods in. It almost seems to come out of no where. It is exhilarating to step back into the vortex of well-being that is truly mine. I realized that I had gotten caught up in the uncontrollable. Once I surrendered control, I hopped right back into the flow. It was like escaping from a powerful current to a peaceful, lazy river. The power in the current was only my negative thought patterns. Meditation is truly a gift that is priceless to me.

Yet unseen or unheard
It brews, bubbling in my mind.
Ideas and worlds without end.
Something or someone beyond form.
What, I cannot tell.
It incubates in the fertile fields of my imagination
Waiting to burst forth into new life.
Already alive 1000 times over.
A hunch.

Solitude

Today, I got back in touch with my center. I feel so good. I realized that I have a tendency of getting a little frenetic, especially when my life gets busy. Today was a nice relaxed day that allowed me to get back to that. I know that my perception of time is how time occurs for me. When I'm hurried and stressed, life happens that way. When I'm relaxed and chilled out, life occurs like that for me. So, I want to keep my entry brief today because it's a day of repose for me. I love that!

Microscopic and negligible.
That is what I am in the grand scheme of things.
Yet more important than the universe itself.

Honoring boundaries..

I had a lesson today about honoring my word and my boundaries. I have communicated certain boundaries within my business of what "works" in the relationship. Part of that is my 24 hour policy. I realized today that when I don't enforce my policy, I'm actually breaking my word to my students and myself. I realized how this detrimental not only to me financially, but also to my students that do always give me proper notice. I took the bullet and enforced it today and I felt amazing! I realized how much energy I had wasted by not honoring my word and splitting my energy. I think we all tend to definitely understand honoring our word and being authentic with others; however, it's harder to apply the same standard to oneself (at least I've noticed anyway.) We too often forget to include our relationship with ourselves when it comes to integrity. After re-communicating the boundary, I felt lighter and able to move on. I made an agreement with myself today to not worry about the reaction I get when I honor myself, but rather worry about the honoring myself and my word with me. It was a nice thing to be re-minded of.

Today is okay.
Tomorrow will be better still I think.
I'm always in the tomorrow it seems.
I can't wrap my head around just being here now.
Cares and worries, goals and ambitions, so much to focus on.
Well, anything to avoid myself.
Anything to be somewhere else but where I am.

Here I am again...

Well, this post is a little belated but I had a busy day. Ha. Not really busy in the strictest sense of the word. I was busy relaxing and also reading. I found out something interesting about meditation today. It instills a desire to withdraw from time to time and be alone. I was at a wedding today and noticed that I wanted very much to withdraw periodically and take in the surrounding plants and trees. Meditation causes me at least (and I would be many others) to be a bit more still, a bit more introspective. This is new for me. I've noticed that life is filled with information that I was missing because I was so busy talking or distracting myself. The information is all right there to be easily digested for those that are open to receiving it.

I don't really feel like a poem.
So this is it.
Some half-assed shit.

The art of telling a different story...

I love how today feels. I feel so open and happy. I realized talking to a guy on my way out to teach that life is really about telling a different story. You can't look at what is and expect to get anything different than what is. I've seen the truth of that with my voice studio. I can't wait to see how visualizing a different story will affect other areas of my life. Ahhh. Life is so good at the moment! I can't even describe how good... I feel so fortunate and blessed to know what I know. If I want anything, the universe can provide it. That is reassuring indeed! I even experienced this with my voice. I realized that if I visualize my voice functioning in a balanced manner, than it will do so. I need to spend time pretending that my voice is balanced and free to make that manifest in my life. It's not that my voice isn't balanced already, I just know that I will always be looking for greater and greater balance with my voice. Like life, my voice will never reach a point that it is "done." That's exciting! The adventure of life after all is expansion. I didn't come here to sit on a stump after all. Ok! Poem time.

I sit down on the stained and weathered bench.
Next to me is a man with brilliance in him.
His story goes largely unheard.
Like a diamond caked in coal, he is unseen.
Few can see past his rough exterior at the brilliant soul that lies within.
I see it. I don't feel pity for this man. I feel inspired.
The alcohol can hide the shine.
The story he tells can distract the world, but not me.
I will always see him as perfect and whole.
I will always see his disenfranchised brothers as franchised.
Humanity is more the same than different.
I don't mind listening to his story.
It doesn't change what I perceive.
The potential isn't wasted or lost. It is expressing itself in its own way.

Somedays are just ok..

Well, there are ups and downs in life. That is inevitable. I'm having an eh day today. That's ok though. i think it's best to meditate and get back in the vortex. That is where all my magic exists. Wow. Just saying that? It already calls me back into the vortex. Exciting! Meditation is the path to a more quiet mind and thus the path back into the vortex. Really, I don't have much more to say today. Well, brief is not always bad.

Keep it simple and sweet.
It can't be beat.

Connections...

Can I just say that it feels so good to have Law of Attraction line me up with amazing people on a daily basis? I feel so privileged to share the time I do with these people. The world is filled with amazing and wonderful people. Ahhh. Life is so beautiful when we allow it to be so for us! I can see that so clearly now! So much is going right and well in life that it overwhelms anything that we perceive to be going wrong. Ahhh... I feel blessed indeed from where I sit now! The well-being in my life is truly profound. I am loved, abundant, and headed where I need to be headed to. Life is a perfect unfolding even when I see only imperfection. So good to be alive!!!

I'm free. Born free, die free. Live free.

Morning thoughts...

I typically don't write this blog first thing in the morning, but that is how it worked out today. I sit here sipping my morning coffee and thinking about life. I think not with fear but with joy about what is ahead of me. I feel in some ways that I have unlocked secrets for myself. I'm so blessed to have undergone the recent changes I have undergone. Life is not always easy, but it has a way of giving us exactly what we need to grow into who we want to be. I never thought I would say this, but I'm grateful that I've been so alone lately. Aloneness is an amazing gift. I have clarified so many things in my time alone and the space away from others. That is a very, very good thing. Creativity and insight have bubbled up when no one is around. I'm grateful for having my own magnificent apartment. Yesterday was my day alone and it was magnificent. Well, mostly day alone. I used to be so afraid of being alone, so uncomfortable. Now, I wear it like a second skin. I think all of us are happier when we can just be with ourselves. So glad I learned this one so young!

A single drop drips down the glass
Salty, salty tear of regret.
Lamenting that it isn't more, isn't different.
So what? Maybe it shouldn't be more.
Things have unfolded as the have
And who am I to argue with reality?
Sometimes, I wonder if this isn't the source of misery.
Sometimes I'm sure it's the source of our misery.
Go like a lamb before the slaughter.
Something tells me my surrender can save me yet.
There is no death, only rebirth into another form.
Endless chances to play another role.
So, since time is on my side, I'll just choose
Without the fear or choosing wrong
Because I have an eternity to get it right.

Getting up to speed

I feel sometimes like I'm on a roller coaster of my own emotions. Thank goodness for the grounding meditation practice I've established. I don't know what I'd do without it. It keeps me sane in this reality. It helps me to tell a different story from what I'm observing. Life used to be so conditional. Every day of meditation seems to take me further and further along the path of just letting life be what it is. I feel blessed for each day. Every new day is a miracle in and of itself. I feel so privileged to be on the path I'm on and to have the wonderful people I have in my life. I feel blessed for all the amazing people in my life. I love my apartment and cats. I love the healthy food I get to eat everyday. I love the music and art that fill my life. I'm just happy in this moment. I know I won't always be happy, but I know that I can always get back there sooner than later.

The mists rise and fall dreamily.
I cannot see much past my face.
But... I trust enough to take another step, and another, and another.

Gratitude

I feel like today is a day for gratitude. I had a powerful realization today about a pattern I wasn't looking at. I want to voice my gratitude to all the ones that helped me to learn this. It has shifted my entire outlook on life. I thought of myself as one that didn't hold onto things, but I realized today that I was wrong in one sense. I realized that I have held onto failed romances for a long long time. I didn't do it in an obvious or pronounced way, but I still did it. How can something new come into my life if I'm already occupied with the past? I began to wonder... How many times have I been out with someone and talked about someone from the past? How many times have I compared the person I was with to the old flame? I wouldn't want to be on the other side of the table at such a date. Really, I was never able to be present with who I was with at any given point because my mind was already subtly elsewhere. How sad is that! Well, today was the day I gave that up. I realized how insane and damaging it is to focus on the what ifs and the failed romances. I also realized that it was a little crazy to sit there and play out such a scenario as if I had been with this person. I assumed all sorts of things about them and about how it would be with them. In reality? I had no idea because it never happened. Einstein said: "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." This is exactly what was going on in my head. It was like a never ending loop. A one track CD on endless repeat. Thank God I control the mix and can finally put something new on to play instead. That is the beauty of life! I realized too that non-attachment also means not getting attached to outcomes and not building my lovely castles in the sky. Plain and simple, when I meet someone, I know little about them and little about where things are going. If I can just stay comfortable in the not knowing, I think things will unfold as they should in a perfect way. That may mean love, and it may mean just a fleeting experience with something learned and gained. The only way to really know is just go with it and find out!

Not knowing kills me.
I want to open that damned flower!
I can't wait anymore.
I feel like a child the night of his birthday.
I know some amazing gift is coming my way
But... I just don't have the patience to wait.
I want to peek underneath the lid!
Just one glance please!
Let me shake the box!
But my mom says no, no, no.
She smiles that elusive, secretive smile.
"You'll find out tomorrow dear."
Ugh! I want tomorrow now.
I want the manifestation without the journey.
I want the reward without the work.
It's childish, but I'm a child dammit.
I didn't sign up for all this waiting.
I've almost forgotten what I was waiting for.
Psh. I'll cheat the universe and see for myself.
Once I know what to expect, then I can wait and be content.
Can't you just for once let me make the rules?
After all, it's my life.

Just be

I had a reminder today to just keep being who I'm being and doing what I'm doing. Life has been joyous to say the least the past little while. I love that through deliberate intent, I've been able to retell my life story as I want it to be. I quested today for knowledge on what could allow my lover in vibrational escrow to come to me. The answer? Just keep being the joyous and authentic person I truly am deep inside. It reminded me that there is nothing I need to do, nothing I need to prove, no test I need to pass. Life isn't a test. Life is a journey of expansion. Well, at least I can say that's what it is for me. It's not about proving my worthiness of love. I'm worthy of love now, and I have so much love in my life now. I took a deep breath and let go of my need to control how things manifest for me. It's not my job. The universe can handle all the cooperative components I'm pretty sure ;) So, my commitment is to sit back, get happy, and watch my life unfold perfectly.

There's nothing out there
That isn't already in here.
What I seek is really within
So, let me turn in again.

Telling a different story

I have realized that the Law of Attraction is so real. It is visceral to me. I can feel its influence in every aspect of my life. My life has gone from amazing to miraculous over the last few weeks. I cannot tell you how blessed I feel. I want to take a moment and be grateful for what I have and what I do not yet have. I am grateful for all the kindred spirits in my circle of friends. I realized that few have the kind of love and support that I do. Some people have a best friend. I have many. All of my friends are special and precious to me in different ways. I love how supportive they are and how they all show me how to shine. Just know that all of you are loved! I'm grateful for my career as a Vocal Instructor. Can I tell you how amazing it is that I get to help people discover their voice? I love almost every moment of my work! It is truly amazing. My students are yet another magnificent gift. They all come with different voices and styles, but they all bring me joy with the music they make. I'm grateful for a thriving studio. It seems that i get more and more calls everyday. That is yet another blessing. I'm grateful for an abundance of time to spend rediscovering myself each day. I'm grateful for my music and art. I not only get to help others find their voice, I get to use my own to perform and share. I'm grateful for my band, Le Cygne, and the outlet it gives me to share and create. I'm grateful for the Teachings of Abraham. They have helped me regain my sense of humor in many a challenging situation. I'm grateful for all the mentors and teachers I've had along the way that have been part of my growth as an artist, singer, healer, teacher, and channel. You all are priceless to me! Most importantly of all, I'm grateful for myself and that I get to be here in this moment writing this blog. Being David is nothing short of miraculous! I can't wait to see where that takes me!

Green glass doors part gracefully
Revealing a goddess.
She smiles and shines like the sun
I would touch her with my rough hand
I know she'd ease my troubled mind.
Love, love, love, she whispers.
It is her mantra, her song to me.
She reminds me of its echo everywhere.
From the bugs buzzing around my head
To the asphalt jumble we call the city.
It is always there if you look for it.
You don't need me to be happy.
My love is everywhere, always.
It's only your job to receive it.