Sabatical

The power of now has caused me to realize that life isn't about achieving anything. Life is about being in each moment. Goals and aspirations should never take precedence over the moment. On that note, I'm going to take a break from the blog. I've never allowed myself to not have goals and future aspirations. I've never made a practice of being fully here now. Time to allow myself for the first time in 24 years to just coast for a while. This may last a week, it could last a year. I'm not sure what will happen, but I know that I want to explore this for a bit. I'm sure I'll write soon :)

David

True Love

I've been reading The Power of Now lately and it has led to some incredible insights. I wanted to share one of them today. I have realized that true love happens in a state of presence. I have been single for a long time now and sometimes I feel like I should be in a relationship. Reading this book made me realize that I would just take my unhappy self with me right into that relationship. Sure, it might seem good for a while but eventually it would break down because of my underlying unhappiness. What I need to do is be present to love and happiness now. What a relief! I no longer need to search or look for something else to make me happy. I have the opportunity to experience peace and well-being now. Ahhh. So good!

See the flower.
Smell it.
Bask in the radiance of its being.
All of this is God.

Honesty and Presence

Well, today is a beautiful day. I had a realization this morning that a simple combination of honesty and presence will 9 times out of 10 get us what we want in a far more effective way than anything else. The paradox here is that when you're honest and fully present making a request, you've let go of wanting or needing the outcome to go a certain way. Confusing? Maybe. It makes sense to me in this moment though!

Be here now!
You might miss out
On the meaning of your life.

Presence

Today I'm thinking a lot about presence as a lasting source of happiness. I really am starting to believe that we have the power to be content in any moment. It's a lie of our mind that says otherwise. So, for today, I'm going to watch as my mind comes up and starts talking. It will probably be most of the time. That's ok! :) Watching something means that it no longer is occurring with me completely unaware. This should be an interesting day!

Fly me away today,
Take me back to here and now.
Fly me back from there
To be here.

Presence

My new game is going to be called presence. I've been reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, and it has reawakened a desire in me to tame my mind. I guess I lost sight of that somewhere in my meditation practice. Really, that is the goal of meditation. It gives me hope that I am awakened now in this moment. I may not be the next, but all I really have is now anyways.

Now, now, now, now, now!

Dreaming many dreams

Wow. I remembered 8 separate dreams last night! Freaking amazing! I feel so good about that :) Ahhh. I have noticed that the dreams seem to be communicating valuable lessons to me. One big thing that has been coming through is my need for independence and freedom to pursue my vision. I realized that I don't really want to be tied down to someone else's expectations for me. Right now, since I'm self-employed, I have a great deal of freedom to choose my life. I love that! Such a wonderful thing! Also, the other thing I realized is that with this seasonal change I need to change up my morning meditation. I'm going to start doing a half hour of yoga each morning instead of my usual sitting meditation. I think the added warmth from a mini power and core practice is just what my body needs during this time of hibernation and rest. Got to keep balanced!

The frosted peaks beacon me,
To unexplored heights of myself.
What will i learn?
What can they show?
"Climb," they say, "and find out!"

So, here I sit after my first gig being a nude model for an art class. Wow! What an incredible experience and opportunity. I am present now to an amazing love of my own body. What an amazing machine! Seriously. That and I'm present to how cold it is outside! Brrr. I want to focus my post today on dreams. What is the dream truly? The waking world or the sleeping one? Where do dreams begin and end? I am adding another practice on at this point in my life. I am going to begin keeping a super detailed dream journal of all my insights. I definitely believe that dreams are a powerful look into the subconscious and that by becoming more aware of my dreams, I will better be able to visualize and manifest the life I desire!

Dream a little longer,
Worry a little less.
Smile a little brighter,
Give nothing but your best.
This is it, your chance it now
Today is do or die.
Every moment past is a moment gone.
Don't let this one pass you by!

Why do we dream?

I've been thinking a lot about dreams today. I actually realized and remembered that once I was a vivid dreamer. Suddenly, I had a dream that conflicted so harshly with the religious beliefs of my family that I shut off the ability. I want to reawaken my inner dreamer. That dream was a warning for a frightened 7 year old that the spiritual path he was on would not bring him happiness. It was a call to explore other options. Today, many years later, I am finally ready to own my dreaming abilities and open myself back up to the magnificent guidance and beauty dreams contain. Time to be a dreamer and day dreamer again.

Dreams come true,
I know they do.
Who are you?
To say poo-poo!

hurry, hurry, hurry

Again, our unseasonal warm weather continues. I feel happy to be alive today. It is a beautiful day. My thoughts today are on the subject of patience. This morning seemed to be one of those mornings where little things kept going wrong. It’s easy to get frustrated when that happens. I definitely found myself getting irritated. I remembered something I have learned though: life is what we make of it. I wonder how often our irritation compounds the problem. It’s interesting to consider. The spilled coffee that wouldn’t have been spilled if we hadn’t been in such a hurry. I think it’s a similar issue with driving or being anywhere. When we are in a hurry, we slow ourselves down. The lesson today seems to be just relax and go with the flow of life. Alright, I’m ready to just float.

Sight unseen,
Still not bought.
I cannot swallow
What I was taught.
Look beyond
What you know.
If you truly wish
To grow.

Beautiful balmy November day

Today was absolutely amazing weather wise! Wow. I feel so blessed to have this last little bit of Spring. Yes indeed! I just want to say how grateful I am for all the amazing people in my life. You all inspire me so much! I cannot believe how much I learn from all of the people in my life on a daily basis. It feels really good to get back into a space of gratitude and joy. I love that life gives me an opportunity to get back here after any time that I get into a darker space. Thank you Universe!

Just for today,
Let's say some words of love
Rather than ones of hate.
I know sometimes it feels automatic
But do you rule the tongue or it you?

Perspective

What a beautiful day it is today! I can hardly believe it. It is so lovely that we have this little bit of Spring in November. I am thinking on this day about the pit I had sunk into about humanity and myself the last little while. Yes, there are forces outside of my control, but truly I am outside of the control of those forces if I choose to be. I think I'm going to head back to my optimistic and self-empowered approach to life. Time to stop complaining about life! If I believe life is awful, it will be awful. If I believe it is wonderful, it will be wonderful. Well, that was basically my thought for today. What else?

Sanity is relative,
Diseases of the mind come in and out of fashion.
The only absolute for me is my own perspective.

Well, today is a much better day than yesterday. I had an interesting run in with an angry guy at Smiths. The guy actually pushed me and punched my shoulder. It was very unexpected and random, but it taught me something valuable. I stood up to the guy rather than just walking away. I certainly wasn't going to hit him back, but I wasn't going to just cower away either. I guess the experience taught me that sometimes conflict will happen. I think there's a fine line between being confident and standing up for yourself and violence. It's interesting because I'm sure somehow in this guy's head, he felt the same thing towards me. I did something to him to spark the response I did. Hmmm. I think I will sit today with this. I definitely identify as a pacifist but it's interesting when situations like these arise. In the future I will probably avoid getting upset and rather just communicate to the person that their actions are unacceptable.

Violence begets violence.
Sorrow begets sorrow.
Peace where are you?
Do you whisper the secret to whereabouts?
I think I hear a soft voice say peace starts with me.

Emptiness

From time to time I have felt empty. Today has definitely been one of those days. It's not a bad sort of emptiness, it just is. I think I'll let the emptiness be today and see what it reveals to me.

I am that is all, nothing more, nothing less.

Adventure

Well, I'm sitting here in the hostel in Flagstaff reflecting on the amazing day I've had. It has been so much fun going on an adventure. It's been so long. Well, since August anyways. I've realized that I want to live a more adventurous life. I don't think that necessarily even means traveling more. There is so much I don't even do in Utah. I vow to start being more adventurous in my own back yard!

Today, take a risk
Step out of your comfort zone
Come on, you want to.

Accomplished

Today, I finished my first sewing project since Home Ec in junior high. I sewed a shirt for my halloween costume. I discovered something interesting during this project. It is very meditative to be involved in artistic pursuits. I definitely think any activity that is repetitive or monotonous in our life can be turned into a meditation. That is my thought for the day!

Green green grass withers to brown
As leaves cover it like a blanket.
Sleep little grass, you'll soon awake.
When Spring comes singing again.

Busy days

Some days get a little busy, but it's a good reminder to just breathe and the universe will see to it that everything works out in a beautiful amazing way.

Simplicity.

Fall

It's a beautiful snowy day today. It reminds me of a truth: all seasons wax and wane and come and go. Such is life. I find myself casting off many old patterns at the moment. In a way, I feel like the tree shedding its leaves. The winter of my life is upon me. A stage of rest and reflection to lead to a new spring filled with an even greater abundance. The leaves would only rot on my branches if I chose to leave them where they are. No, I must shed the old ways of being and make room for the new. It is the message of autumn to me. I go thoughtfully and soberly into hibernation.

Fallen leaves of orange and red
Blow across a land chilled and dead
Do not weep for what is past
Look instead at what may come at last
New life fuller than the old
Happiness bigger, brighter, more bold.
Life will turn and turn again.
Unfolding to where? It's not known to men.

Giving things up...

Today I thought I would write about a topic that has come up a lot in several different conversations lately. It has been interesting to see other perspectives on it. That topic is releasing and letting go of things. Lately, I feel that I have been doing this quite a bit. I have heard several friends mention that they felt I was denying myself something. I find this really interesting because I don't feel like I've been denying myself anything. I feel quite the opposite. I feel that by letting go of old habits and ways of being that I've made room in my life for something new to take root and grow. I feel more spiritually in tune than I ever have. I feel truly happy and energetic for the first time since I was a child. Denying myself? Perhaps. I think what I've really been doing is denying myself connection. To participate in something that no longer serves is to deny oneself the chance of adventure and the unknown. I may be called weird or crazy for it, but I know that I have got to march to the beat of my own drum wherever that beat may lead me down this crazy path called life. That's all there is to it :)

I've got to run free neath the skies
I'm choosing to create my paradise.

Sexuality

Well, I'm getting ready for an afternoon run and then lots and lots of sewing. I got this. i got this. My thought for today is about sexuality and the dreaded s-word: sex! Lately, I've been wondering if we have been completely misled by our culture and prevailing dogma. Are we missing out on an intimacy so powerful that just several tastes of it could last a lifetime? I happened upon this idea recently in some reading. I've begun to wonder. We're told that we are sexual beings, that this is how we are. But is it? What if actually this was programming to lead us away from love and intimacy? I've been wondering. Perhaps even married couples are the same as unmarried. Maybe we're all marching down the wrong road. So, time to delve into and experiment with. Perhaps it is possible to transcend our baser nature and have intimacy that makes anything else we've experienced look like a joke. I think the possibility alone makes it worth the effort.

I love me,
I love me not,
But that's just life.

Discomfort

We all go through periods of relative ease and relative discomfort. I know that yesterday I had a moment of discomfort with the processes of my body. It's a lesson that there is not necessarily a cure all in life. Even if I was living my ideal circumstances, things would still come up. Meditation and yoga together have taught me that I can breathe through anything. What a tremendous gift that is! Words cannot describe how blessed I feel to have the knowledge that I may not control external circumstances yet I can still control my response to them. Another thing that came up for me yesterday was that I can choose to send love to those that irritate me. Nothing switches your vibration faster than that. Well, time to go for a run. Thank you God for this day!

I am complete,
There's nothing missing.
I'm a masterpiece from birth.
It's only my own meddling
Over and over
That obscures my perfection.

Gratitude and focusing on the Positive

Today, I had a reminder that I can't change everything in my life at once. I can't expect to be living on 2.5 acres that make me a completely self-sufficient food grower tomorrow. That would be too much too soon anyways. I am going to continue living as I'm living and doing what I'm doing. The inevitable end is that one day soon I will end up in this situation. Another thing is I'm starting to believe in humanity again. Skepticism has been replaced by optimism. Resignation has been replaced by hope. I no longer doubt that we all have so much more potential than is being expressed. I'm starting to see everyone including myself as perfect beings that have forgotten their own innate perfection. I can't make everyone else remember, but I can start living in a way that will awaken my perfection again. We have all been given so much by the Great Mind.

Doubting only strengthens my paralyzation,
While the tiniest amount of hope stokes the embers.
Someday is too far away,
So today I'll take just a step forward in the storm
Knowing that step will lead to another and another.
Till one day I find myself home again.

What a beautiful fall...

I felt so blessed today as I cruised all over town on my bicycle. It truly was a magnificent day in Salt Lake City. My thoughts today center around what I have been learning from studying permaculture. Basically, permaculture is a theory of living that involves creating as close to natural systems as possible to alleviate the work required to maintain them. The idea is that nature maintains itself perfectly. In particular, they talk about passing on what you don't need and not hoarding an excess of anything. That really got me thinking. How quick am I like most people to throw things I feel I don't need away? I really want to start implementing this practice in my life. I was actually thinking how cool it would be if I got rid of my garbage can altogether. What if I started using only materials I could recycle? What if I composted all the remnants of my produce? Hey, I won't change the world just by this alone, but I will most surely change my world. So, I vow to start working my way towards zero impact on the environment. One thing that will be rough is the cat litter. I'll have to think how to go about phasing out that waste. Life is certainly beautiful! Let's keep the world beautiful!

I'm only a drop in ocean, but a drop can overflow the levy.
I'm only a needle in a hay stack, but that needle can tip the balance.
Why try to change what others do?
Why not start by changing you?

Thank you

Dear God,
Thank you for all you have given. I have nothing to ask of you who has given me everything from the start.

David

Thought for this Saturday

I think my thought for today is about authenticity. I had something come up today: a situation where I'm afraid of being honest because it might ruin a friendship. As I sat in meditation today, I was reminded that honesty is the best policy always. If the friendship cannot survive a little honesty, it's not a friendship at all. So, I guess it's time to buck up and be honest!

I am me, nothing more nothing less.
But isn't that just the best?

Peace and Joy

Today I re-discovered that in any moment I can choose to be in a space of love towards the world or an otherwise negative space. I watched today as everything went smoothly and effortlessly simply because I felt happy. I watched as people became friendly. I have never had more people smile and say hi to me ever. It's an interesting correlation. The world can sometimes seem like such an awful place. I've had the exact opposite kind of day. Same world. Different me. Make me think quite a bit. Also, one other thought I had today was that man is not fallen. Man is asleep. We never fell. We simply forgot. All of the knowledge that could enlighten the world is contained within each of us. So, instead of lamenting the nature of man, let's strive one by one to shift our own nature and thus reawaken to the true potential of man. Much better than complaining while doing nothing I think. (And too often I have found myself in the boat of complainers.)

Yesterday,
It's a perfume lingering in the air.
Yesterday tempts me to forget.
Like a seductive lady, and me the married man
Only that goddess, the present can fulfill.
Go back to the night yesterday.
I remember you no more.

You are amazing!

Look in the mirror and see the piece of divinity staring back at you. You are amazing! Don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise. You are beautiful, powerful, passionate, kind, charismatic, and not too mention alluring. People would die just to get to know you better. There is a light within you that when you let it shines and lights up a room. Suddenly, you become that person that everyone stares at when he or she walks in. No one knows why, but they can’t help but notice the confidence radiating outwards from this man or woman. It makes them feel a little more confident themselves. Remember, you have the power. That’s something no one can ever take away from you. Walk around today with that knowledge and only good can come your way.

I looked in a mirror and saw God staring back at me.
He smiled.

Honoring our bodies

I declare today to be revel in your body day! Seriously, we benefit from our amazing bodies almost every moment, yet do we ever stop to say thank you? I'm so glad that I've finally learned the value of taking care of this amazing space suit. Yessir! So, that's really all I wanted to say today! Go do something nice for your body today! Run, hike, get a massage. There are really a million possibilities. :)

Harmony and disharmony
Together make a symphony.

A beautiful day for a run

Today, I'm thinking about little. I mainly am basking in the moment. It's the perfect day for a run. My thought today is that joy is always available in each moment if we choose it. I wish love, light, joy, and grace to all today!

One

Meditation has been interesting lately. With the intense energies of 10/10/10 yesterday I found myself to be a bit all over the place. I think one of the greatest lessons meditation teaches us is to just let things be what they're going to be. It's a beautiful lesson, a hard lesson but still a good one to learn. Meditation teaches us to let go of the need to control how things develop and unfold. It imparts a sense of neutrality at the ups and downs of life. May I never forget my lessons learned sitting on a pillow with my eyes closed watching my breath. :)

I'll write a song so quiet,
You'll strain to hear.
Hoards will be stilled by it
Cupping their ears.

What is he saying?
What is that melody?
A haunting refrain
Tugs at me.
What is this song?
So unobtrusive and low?
It calls me.
Though I don't know why.

beautiful day again..

What a beautiful day! I feel blessed to be alive for it! So, my thoughts for today were about energy and well-being. What drains us? What makes us tired? Why are children so full of energy and a thirst for life? What if we could return to that childlike state? I've wondered a lot about this. I have had an incredible amount of energy lately actually. It has shocked me in some ways. I still have those difficult days where I feel drained though. What if every day could be wonderful? I wonder. I shall reflect and meditate on this and see what comes up! Already I feel a lot of it has to do with our artificial way of living. I will see what I learn though!

I'm bathed in light
Safe and sound at night.
I'm free to dream
Of ethereal things.

Thoughts for the day...

Ice cream castles in the air. I'm looking at the positive side of things today. I think life is better when I'm in that space. Ahhh. So, I'm going to keep this short today because I want to be out in nature and doing things. That and I want to go to Core yoga in 2 hours. So... My thoughts for today are that rather than protesting what we don't want, just put your vote for what you do want. This came up for me particularly around a certain religious issue lately. You know what? Let people believe what they want to believe, and I'll believe what I want to believe. It really isn't my business what anyone else thinks about me or about my sexuality. I'm not here to prove anything to anyone. That's the wonderful thing about this world: the variety of people and ideas. Why not celebrate that instead of getting upset?

Freedom is a choice in each moment.
What do you choose?

Thoughts for today...

I was thinking today about how magnificent my body is. It is a perfect functioning complex machine. Scientists are learning more and more everyday, but still it remains an enigma. I love this gift to me from the Universe, from God. What an experience. I was overcome today by the amazing beauty of my own body and how poorly I've treated it in the past. I actually looked in a mirror for the first time ever and thought: "Wow, I'm beautiful." Not in a vain way, not in an ego-driven way to compensate for any feelings of insecurity. I was just enjoying my own unique beauty. There has never been anyone on this planet that is exactly like me, nor will there be ever again. That is just incredible! How could I not recognize the beauty of that? How could I not see how beautiful and perfect I am?

There is perfection in every freckle, flaw, and bauble.
Look in the mirror and see it for what it is.
To do otherwise is to spit in the face of the greatest gift giver ever.

Exercise is a spiritual practice

I discovered today as I was doing my morning run that running is as spiritual as meditating or yoga. Actually, when I'm present to my breath while I'm running that's yoga! Ha. I think that the physical aspect of us is intrinsically linked to the spiritual. To claim to be one without the other is silly. I haven't taken good care of this wonderful body in the past. I've polluted it with unhealthy food and habits. That is now a thing of the past. I now see that by tending to my own temple, I don't need to go hunting a spiritual/sacred space. I actually take it with me wherever I go!

I am physical for a reason,
This body is a home.
It's the only home I have
I'll fill it with life and light
This temple will shine like a lighthouse
Guiding me out of the storm of my fears and doubts.

What I discovered for myself about sexual energies...

I wanted to share the insight I had a while back about why we are sexual beings. I'm not presenting this as universal truth, but rather truth for me gained through reflection and meditation. Why do we have the sexual impulse? We are different from animals in the sense that we can and do have sex for pleasure. In order to better understand these energies for myself, I completely abstained from anything sexual for 2 weeks. I had an incredible realization bubble up as a result. What I learned is that society tends to bombard us with unrealistic and unattainable images that cause us to find fault with our marvelous temples (bodies.) We begin to attach longing and self-loathing to the unattainable image. I haven't met very many people that are happy in their own skin. Everyone wants to be thinner, smoother, tanner, more symmetrical, etc. What if we all saw ourselves as beautiful, desirable, and perfect? It's an interesting thought. Now, how these images attach into sex has to do with the tendency of the mind to fantasize. What I learned while abstaining was that fantasy disconnects me from the real. It disconnects me from appreciating myself and my body as well as that of my lover. Suddenly, it became clear to me that sex was meant to be a way of showing appreciation and love to he/she whom we love. Sex can be an act that recognizes the divinity in another as well as ourself. How did we get railroaded off to the path we're on now? I'll leave that for another day... Knowing this has changed not only my relationship with me, but also my future relationship with him whom I will love. I'm very grateful that the Ringing Cedars series triggered this desire to reflect. The payoff has been tremendous.

If you cannot see God in everything upon the Earth, you have never and will never see God.

Let others make you wrong, let it be

Today is a beautiful day. I’m discovering that the more I can adhere to my practice of meditation, writing, and exercise, the better I feel. I have noticed a surge of creative productivity lately. I definitely partially credit my meditation practice and dietary change. It’s amazing to watch what unfolds and develops. I can’t believe that it has been a month since I’ve had any caffeine, any alcohol, and any unhealthy food period. Also, my running has been consistent and building. I’m setting the intention of training for a marathon. My thought for the day stems out of something that came up for me recently. I should say something that triggered me. I sometimes make it wrong that others make me wrong. Ha! It sounds silly written out, but there it is. It’s something I do a lot. Through meditation and reflection I want to be able to accept when others make me wrong and let that be right for them. Wow. What a radical thought! I can see how much happier it would make me though right off the bat. I would no longer need to work so hard trying to convince people that they are wrong to make me wrong. Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be. Ahh. Words of wisdom!

Pushing against doesn’t move anything,
It only strengthens that which I don’t want.
Instead, let me learn to walk away.
Let it be alright.

Beautiful day...

So, I wanted to focus on gratitude today. I feel so blessed for everything I have in my life. I have a wonderful business that allows me to get paid doing what I love. I have had so many wonderful mentors and teachers in my path of growth and development. I feel like I have had more than my fair share of amazing people in my life. I have many wonderful friends that I love dearly and I know love me dearly. I'm grateful for the opportunity to learn and grow. I'm grateful for the challenges that life affords me. Ahhh. It really is so brilliant. Even the tough stuff is so worth it!

I love you world!

Well, well, well...

The wheel turns again upwards. I'm feeling much better today. Ahhh. What a beautiful day it truly is! I want to dance and sing and frolic through fields of wildflowers. :) Well, I'll be doing that soon enough with Emily and King. My thought for today was that we all must start creating spaces of love exactly where we are right now. I feel truly blessed to be aware enough to start this endeavor. I've been transforming my surroundings into a space that delights and seduces me. Life is about those little steps that taken together truly move the foundation of our life for the better.

Bliss is here in every moment,
Treasure it for sorrow is the other side of the coin.

Pollution...

Well, today has been an interesting day to say the least. I find that meditation helps me to deal with pollution. The air is awful today. My thought for today that arose in my meditation had to do with how we perceive ourselves. I recently have gone through some strict and austere changes in my lifestyle. One change in particular has given me powerful insight into society’s image of perfection and beauty versus self-love and self-acceptance. I wonder if we all wouldn’t feel much better about ourselves if we weren’t bombarded by so many unattainable images. Who says male or female beauty is supposed to look a certain way? I rediscovered that all of our romantic and sensual pursuits should be geared towards either self-appreciation or appreciation of another. Intimacy can actually be a way of acknowledging the god/goddess within ourselves and another. I think that this is what love and sex should be about. I guess I certainly can’t speak for everyone, but I’m loving how much I’m loving my physical temple (or body) and spirit lately. I definitely wish I could give this to everyone, but we’re all on our own journeys of self-discovery and exploration! That’s part of the beauty of life.

Calm, centered,
Anchored, I’m here.

Click...

So, I had a major realization yesterday. I realized that I have to always be in control. I have a fear of what would happen in a situation where I am not in total control. This is deep rooted for me, and I realized also that it meant I could never allow myself to fully be in love with someone. Wow. I had this come up a lot recently: "Love is a participatory emotion." Alright, I thought, I know what this means. I didn't realize that what it meant for me is that love requires a certain level of vulnerability. Love requires trust and confidence in another. These are things that terrify me deep down inside. Surrender myself to someone else fully? I could never have done that. I've decided to sit with this as I meditate this week and see what emerges. It was a scary thought in many ways. I think I could easily have spent the rest of my life playing it safe and being careful. Love can't happen under those circumstances. So, here I am. I am open to love. I am willing to surrender. I'm willing to place 100% confidence in another. I'm willing to open myself to the possibility of love even if that is scary right now.

The stands are such a safe place.
The field? Another story altogether.

The game..

So, I played the game again yesterday with some friends. What is the game you may ask? Well, in summary it's a game that plays like a game while simultaneously allowing you to explore psychologically. I have to say... It was quite fun playing and delving into some questions that have been on my mind lately. The conclusion I came to, is I need to start being who I am 100% without apologies or regrets. Also, it's no longer my job to worry all the time if my actions will hurt other people's feelings. It's just too much damn work! No matter how vigilant and careful you are, someone may still get upset about something you say. It's better to just chill and not worry about it. I can see that now. Part of that means me holding me accountable. I need to be aware when I go into my people pleasing bit and step back out of it. I definitely had to work with that today. Ahhh. It felt good. I must say. So, no more Mr. Pushover David. Watch out world!

A million stars glitter above,
Reflecting back my divine love.

Gratitude

Today, I just wanted to express my gratitude for life. There is so much that is wonderful and beautiful about life. That's basically it! I am grateful for God's incredible and varied creation on this planet Earth. Ahhh.

I'm content...

Changes come and keep coming

So, I woke up today at 8 to go running and do pilates. It was a different experience for me. I tend to enjoy sleeping in till 9 or 10. I've decided that I really want to make this a daily practice. I love the idea of being up at 8. Perhaps when that becomes comfortable, I could move to waking up at 7. Hmmm. I find that being up early gave me a ton of energy for me day. I also like the idea of running five days a week at 8. Tomorrow, I will be up at 8. Perhaps after a month of this I'll change over to being up at 7. We shall see!!! On a side note, I've also realized that I want to listen more and talk less. I find myself being too verbose in many situations. I think a balanced, happy person knows when to talk and listen. So friends, I'm giving you permission to call me out on this!

Ebb and flow,
That's a happy life.
Give and take,
No more strife.

Lesson for the day..

I need to learn to be confident in my truth. I've realized that lately I tend to sometimes be scared of owning up or being honest. That is about to change starting today! I need to be who I am with no apologies. Not only do I owe it to others, I owe it to myself. I know that I have my past, but that's the past. We'll just leave it at that. From here on out, I'm the possibility of honesty!

Be true to you,
Or you can't be to any other.

Becoming the man I desire to be

Lately, I've gone through some major, major life changes. I won't even list them all here but they centered around diet, health, my spiritual well-being, and my life direction. It is exhilarating to watch who I am becoming. Seriously a magical shift! I realized that I need to be the change I would see in the world. It's interesting. As I shift, I will draw to me the love that I can co-create a space of love and a family with that will last forever!

Love is eternal,
If we'd let it be.

Almost to day 100, wow.

Well, the raw diet is already making a difference. I've been loving how I feel! I feel light as a feather, focusing is 100 times easier, and I honestly feel more grounded. I haven't had this much energy since I was a kid! It's an amazing feeling. Also, my meditation practice has been coming along nicely. I've decided I need to add more time to simply contemplate. I love the idea of meditating this way for answers.

The only answers worth having are self-taught.

Cleaning up my life in preparation

I see now so clearly the damage I've been doing to myself with the lifestyle I've lived. I've gorged myself on poisonous food, poisonous beverages, and fowl chemicals. Alcohol and caffeine count as well. I have purified my life of all the heavy and toxic. My body simply is overflowing with energy. It's only been a few days but I feel much more alive and invigorated than I have in a long time. It's truly magnificent to watch this shift. My voice is more beautiful than it's ever been, my body is returning to balance and health. I know now that I will realize the body I have envisioned for myself. I see that the love I have wanted waits on me becoming the man worthy of that love. A man of meditation and reflection. A yogi. A man fit of spirit, body, and mind. A man free of corrupting foods, beverages, and substances. A man not ruled by his sexual nature. A man committed to co-creating a space of love with his beloved that will last an eternity. A man prepared to be the father his children deserve. A man not afraid to be honest. A man that revels in his aloneness and yet enjoys his connectedness with others. It's exciting to watch this magnificent me be born!

If I betray myself,
Why would anyone stand up for me?

Detox

So, I've begun transitioning to eating completely raw. Literally almost everything I ate today is raw. I think that yesterday was a rough day because my body was detoxing. I am excited to see how my health and well-being shifts with this dietary change. I really love how I feel today. It is an awesome feeling! Even my voice has been better since going raw. Also, I've given up caffeine and alcohol as part of my new lifestyle. I can't put into words how much better I feel!

Happiness is a choice from moment to moment,
My joy is dictated by my actions.
I must follow my truth.

Sometimes..

Things are very very good. Sometimes they are so-so, and other times not so good. I guess my thoughts today have been about the ups and downs of life. Only my judgement makes them anything other than occurrences or moments in time. I don't really feel like writing much else today, but I feel like there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm going to leave it at that!

Sometimes...

Slacking lately

So, I fell out of my routine of doing this blog daily and making sure to meditate exactly an hour each day. I want to write this blog as a reaffirmation of this intention. I have definitely felt the effect of less meditation on my life. I want to get back into my routine. One hour a day is necessary for me to function at my optimum. Glad I said this!

Get down, fall over, pick yourself up!

Start again!

Thoughts for the day..

I feel that today is the day I get to do something nice for myself. Self-care is such a good thing. I also realized that when I can be in a neutral place, life unfolds in a miraculous way. I recently played "the game" with some friends again. The game is a journey based off of the Tarot that is fun while triggering insight at the same time. What I learned is that I tend to either go to worst case scenario or best case scenarios in my head. When I can just let what is be what it is, I am free! I find that I am happy, eager to live and enjoy, and that I am free of entanglement with others. I am free to be truly connected to others without any expectations! It is marvelous. On a side note, the garden is progressing nicely. I'm going to anchor in the window boxes today. My space of love is unfolding now!

When I can be without projecting,
Life unfolds perfectly.

Planting the seeds of a space of love..

So, life has called me into action again. I realize that the key to me realizing my dreams is simply taking little steps to lead to their realization. It's a good feeling! That is my thought for the day...

With you my beloved,
I will build an eden on Earth.
We will converse with God,
And know our divinity.

Realizations...

So, I think I've once again had a bit of a paradigm shift. I have my goal to eventually be self-sufficient on a piece of land that is 2.5 acres. It's a really lofty and intimidating goal from where I am right now. Not to mention, I want to find someone I love that will co-create this vision with me. I realized last night that it isn't about getting this done. If I contemplate the entirety of my dream from where I sit now, I overwhelm and discourage myself. Instead, I can start planting all the wonderful herbs and vegetables I will grow on this plot. I can start studying about healing herbs. I can start studying the art of beekeeping. Rather than worrying about a lover I can just live the life I want to live trusting that they will show up. So, I feel much better today needless to say.

Life is a beautiful beautiful thing.
Let me never forget it again.

Little bit of a break

I'm back after a bit of a break. Seattle was an absolutely amazing experience. It truly taught me that to be with the person I want to be with, I need to start living my life THAT way. What a simple yet profound revelation. I've been half living it and half not. Well, time to shift that. The other thing I realized while I was there is how much I prefer nature and rural settings to the city. I loved Seattle the city, but the forest is where I feel at home. I will strive to make my space of love in rural Northern Oregon a reality. I can't wait to watch it unfold!

The semblance of life cannot imitate the real thing.

You can't please everyone, so you have to please yourself

This has been a big realization for me lazy. When I try to appease those around me, I actually add to their upset at me. It's best to not worry about it. Also, I realized that I've buried my neediness under a careful rotation of friends. This was very frightening to confront in some ways. I definitely thought that was pretty devious of me. I even fooled myself! Lately though as I have had more space, I've realized that the neediness was just buried. I guess it's just part of human nature. I think that the neediness is a valuable thing. It really means that in some way I'm not meeting my own needs. I just used to project it onto other people. It will be interesting to see where this realization leads to.

Off to Seattle,
Beautiful rain to herald the journey.
It's a prequel to the beautiful cloudiness ahead.

Thoughts for the day...

Well, this is a new development, but I'm considering going completely raw and vegan. It will be an adventure in food land. This is going to be very doable for me because I only work 3 days a week. Lately, I've felt drawn to simplify not only my diet, but also my life. I have tuned into how my body feels when I'm eating raw/whole foods. I've noticed that a snack of only raw cashews leaves me energized and ready to take on the day! Everything seems to be pointing me in the direction of going raw and vegan. I keep connecting with others that share this desire or are already living this way! It is incredible. I am going to take this on as an experiment for myself in healthy living :) I have faith that the universe can help my diet be balanced and that the food will provide me with everything I need.


Angel wings just can’t be as soft as an infants hair
Power and riches mean nothing in the wake of a single child’s laughter.
Saints and Madonnas are profane compared to new born innocence.
God even acknowledges the piece of divinity born to each mother.

Chorus
Why is it all creation sees new birth and sings?
What’s more, why is it we somehow miss the song?
A child is a singularity in the world, the universe.
How differently we’d treat each child if we knew the truth.

The guru’s wisdom seems simple next to an infant’s insight
Brave heroes play it safe compared to the adventurous toddler.
Even pantheons and legends must give way before the eternity in those eyes.
Nothing surpasses the youngest breathing Man.

Chorus
Why is it all creation sees new birth and sings?
What’s more, why is it we somehow miss the song?
A child is a singularity in the world, the universe.
How differently we’d treat each child if we knew the truth.

Bridge
See the strength in their fluidity
See the beauty in each gap toothed smile.
Teach me, you who yet remember
The secrets of eternity.

Chorus
Why is it all creation sees new birth and sings?
What’s more, why is it we somehow miss the song?
A child is a singularity in the world, the universe.
How differently we’d treat each child if we knew the truth.

Days of rest are much needed

So, I had several realizations yesterday. I really enjoy taking a day off of my "routine." I think that any pattern no matter how beneficial needs to be broken up from time to time or that becomes our new comfort zone. I really like going without blogging, artist pages, and my abundance exercise for a day a week. Meditation is still a must no matter what, but skipping the rest gave me a new relish to do it when I woke up this morning. The second insight occurred in regards to a particular person in my life. I realized that unconditional love means accepting them exactly as they show up for me even if that isn't necessarily how I WANT them to show up in my life. I realized that by staying in this unconditional place without any expectations and constraints allows me to be happy no matter the outcome. I realized too that I need to stop using excuses to get out of things I don't want to do. I think it will be much better if I say straight up: "not interested." Plain and simple. Haha. That all being said, I'm stoked for Seattle. Here's another new song I wrote. Thought I'd share it here! (Well, here are the lyrics)

Rip Van Winkle

Vs. 1
Go back to sleep
Against the ancient oak
Forget your worries
Neath a blanket of leaves
Sleep till all's changed
Sleep till the world's become new and strange

Chorus
Dreams offer escape from the chaos
Sleep entices with it's obliviating touch
Turn back over with a tired sigh
Why struggle to live when you've found peace?
A blanket, red and gold; brown and orange
Given so generously by Mother Earth
Welcome tired pilgrim to journey's end
Long we've waited for Man to find us again

Vs. 2
Primal rebirth to the wild
Overgrown frosty beard, tangled with twigs
Former friends don't recognize
A face free of care
Sleep's made its change
Sleep's made you someone new and strange

Bridge
I'll follow Rip Van Winkel
Lay down my heavy woes
Be cleansed by virgin rains
Freed from Adam's chains.

Chorus
Dreams offer escape from the chaos
Sleep entices with it's obliviating touch
Turn back over with a tired sigh
Why struggle to live when you've found peace?
A blanket, red and gold; brown and orange
Given so generously by Mother Earth
Welcome tired pilgrim to journey's end
Long we've waited for Man to find us again

Couplet
I've gone to sleep, perhaps I'm dead.
No, I sense new life is woken in me instead.

Almost 25% through the year

The time has seemed to fly by lately. I can't believe I've already been doing this blog for that long. Well, what has been on my mind today? I've been thinking how often we go outside of ourselves for answers. I have found lately that the solutions I've searched externally were internal all along. It's not about being an island, but for me I have learned that my first reflex should be to turn in and look rather than reach out. It's an interesting idea I've been toying with today.


Fairies

Silvery drops cascade down the wet rocks
Tiny stars in a small galaxy.
Staring eyes peer up from the stream bed
Full of distrust and curiosity.

Hook
Fairies! Fairies! Screams a happy child.
Good sense would tell him to hush up!
Still, why rush to spoil his pretending?

Chorus
I’ll paint what I will on my canvas
Call me childish or naive.
Fairies may seem too fantastic
Though what harm is it to believe?
Fill up the blue sky with rainbows
The world’s far more friendly in rose.
What harm comes of being happy
I’ll create my world as I choose.

Adult
No time for streams in adult life
Can’t find the five minutes to spare.
Run by fast missing all of the flowers
Blind to magic alive everywhere.

Hook
Fairies, fairies? I see a rock!
What’s the point of this anyway?
Daddy’s far too busy.
Save it for another day.

Nooooo

Chorus
I’ll paint what I will on my canvas
Call me childish or naive.
Fairies may seem too fantastic
Though what harm is it to believe?
Fill up the blue sky with rainbows
The world’s far more friendly in rose.
What harm comes of being happy
I’ll create my world as I choose.

Bridge
Never walk past a flower
Without stopping to inhale.
Take those 5 minutes and stop
To see leaves floating down a stream.
All nature is constantly singing
Reminding us all of her love.
If we could but remember
How we once were enthralled by her song.

Chorus
I’ll paint what I will on my canvas
Call me childish or naive.
Fairies may seem too fantastic
Though what harm is it to believe?
Fill up the blue sky with rainbows
The world’s far more friendly in rose.
What harm comes of being happy
I’ll create my world as I choose.

A theory on love and soulmates...

I had an interesting realization today that perhaps it is our society's obsession with love and finding it (in a romantic sense) that causes our society to have less and less of it. Look at marriages, divorce rates have never been higher. I actually think that we have become obsessed with some unattainable form of compatibility. It's as if we can just find someone that meets every item on our lists, then we could be happy. No one ever thinks of becoming the one able of not only receiving love but giving it first. No one looks at every interaction throughout the day as an opportunity to reaffirm love. I think we could all be happier if we through the idea of "soulmate" out the window. For me the proof is in how I feel when I contemplate soulmate. It implies a scarcity right off the bat. I have to go out there and find someone that is my "match." What a limiting way of looking at the world. I have been living this way for a long time, but I think it's finally time to throw it out the window. I'd rather believe that many possible lovers exist out there for me and it's all dependent on my vibration. The universe will change who it lines me up with as my vibration shifts. In any given moment, a lover that is a vibrational match is waiting to come in. To me this way of looking at things turns my search into a journey with many meetings and parting. Let's also take a step back further and look at how much love we all have in our lives to begin with. Everyone has friends, most have family, teachers, pets, etc. Our lives are already overflowing with love should we choose to view it that way. Rather than asking the universe to yield to me the lover, I would ask for the universe to help me let go of my expectations, rigid criteria, narrow-mindedness, and lack perspective on love. I ask for help to BE LOVE in every moment. I ask for the sight to see the love right in front of me. I ask for the ability to love myself more fully. I ask for the ability to recognize my love when they come into my life :)

Love is always inside me first and foremost.

A space of love...

I saw today that I can take love wherever I go. I can hear the music in any noise. I can see the beauty in any ugliness. That is a magnificent gift! I know that I won't always feel as connected as I have today, but I know that I can get back there. I see that the world around me can be an Eden no matter what. There is beauty and inspiration even in the ugliest of situations. Ahh. It feels good to be alive today!


The Streets of Salt Lake City

Vs. 1

Walking down the wide streets of the city
The scenery is ugly but familiar and pretty.
Beep beep beep goes the crosswalk light
It’s 2 am there’s not a soul in sight.

Chorus
How can I feel so alone
Surrounded by all these people?
Dialing a number on the telephone
Praying I find someone to distract me.
Emptiness is closing in, surrounding
Threatening to eradicate my heavy heart.

Vs. 2

A pathetic drunk at the same old bar
Riding around in my best friend’s car
Searching for somewhere alive and loud
To numb out and zone out with a crowd.

Pre chorus
No wonder I feel so empty
Living a life this dull.

Chorus
How can I not feel so alone
Trying to find myself in people?
Dialing a number on the telephone
Always using others to distract me.
Emptiness is closing in, surrounding
But I see what can save my heavy heart.

Bridge
Walking the streets of the city alone
Sober and quiet, threw away that God damn phone.
Contemplating a new way of life
Far away from Urban strife.
The boredom I feared in solitude
Could be the very path to fortitude.

Chorus
Now confident even alone.
Not looking to find myself in people.
Finally turned off that telephone
Done using anything to distract me.
Blessed solitude has enfolded, surrounding
Never knew I could be so light hearted.

Day of rest..

Sometimes it's nice to take a break... (today)

One day of rest a week...

I realized that I need to take a day a week to myself. That means a break from all of my routines including my blogs. I plan on meditating still, but I think a day off will help keep my activities fresh. I declare this day to be Sunday. It's the perfect day for me to shake up my order and routine. I still plan on meditating on that day though. Meditation is just too amazing to miss out on any day.

To the point is best.

Why create

I came to the juncture again today where I began questioning why I do creative projects. Is it for the validation or praise I may get? Is it to prove something to myself or others? These reasons seem shallow and empty of satisfaction when I look at them. The real reason I want to create is the joy I get out of allowing something to flow through me. It is an amazing rush. I think we all to a certain extent chase approval and acknowledgement from our peers. What I can tell from my experience is that when I leave others out of the equation creatively, I create something far more beautiful and meaningful. I want my reason for creation to be 100% because of the joy it allows me to feel. I know when I can live in that constantly, amazing things will flow through me.

I open myself to the flow of grace and genius that is constantly around me.
I don't of myself do anything, but when I pair myself with the GOD who flows through all, anything is possible.

Keeping it simple

I think I want to simplify my life a bit. I'm declaring that I'm going to be living in the country somewhere near the Oregon Coast within the next 3 years!

I am whole and perfect NOW!

Swimming upstream or downstream?

Well, Again today I was given a choice.. Do I swim against the current or go downstream? It's an interesting way to look at things. I find that life will constantly give to us circumstances that are undesirable and desirable. It is up to us how we react to them. I've learned that life goes best when I can just roll with whatever life hands to me. Solutions seem to emerge miraculously out of thin air. So, once again I will go downstream instead of bucking the current. I think everything will work out for the best as it always does. Pondering the options actually, I can see that the circumstances I desired will be best served by going with the flow. Interesting. Ok, this post may seem a bit abstract. It was my thought process voiced out loud. Well, time to give up the struggle and just float downstream!

Surrender struggle swiftly and serenity surfaces serendipitously.

Paradigm Shift Musically

I sat last night meditating and realized that I have this tendency to rehash my past garbage in my music. This isn't each song that I write, but I've noticed a half and half pattern. I actually want to shift that. I want my music to be always a hopeful and joy giving experience. I think the world has it's fill of tortured artists. I've been one for too long now. I want to create and write from a place of love, joy, beauty, and freedom. The world definitely needs more of that. I realized that if I broadcast a negative message, I'm no better than the media or any other negatively focused organization or individual. Wow. The other major thing that came to me recently has been that I am a very conditional lover of things. If something makes me feel good, I like that thing. If something doesn't, I don't like that thing. Now, that's all very human but I began thinking about that. If I'm closed up all the time because of things I don't like, how can I possibly expect to be open to romantic love coming into my life? I pondered love deeper than this. I realized that any time I feel lonely or disconnected, it is because I am deliberately choosing to not love what is around me. I started as an exercise saying I love you to everyone I encountered. This seemed to be the antidote of any apathy or depression. Suddenly, wherever I am, I feel connected to those around me by our shared humanity.

We're all the same.
Just looking for something.
If we could only realize it's inside.
Maybe all the frantic activity and bustling would pause.

Fatigue..

I realized today as I was running errands in the U car share that I allowed myself to become irritated with traffic around town. I noticed that by the time I got home, I was exhausted from the bad energy. It seemed like the entire universe conspired to make running my errands difficult. Well, that wasn't worth it. I decided then and there that I wanted to shift the course of my day. The energy cost of being unhappy is never worth it. I ended up needing a nap after those errands! Well, I am happy to say that now I'm feeling relaxed and peaceful again. Life is such a beautiful thing. There is far more to be happy about than there is to complain about. I can see that from my now vantage point. Thank God for the ability to start telling a different story.

The light is only as bright or as dim as I make it.

The Anastacia series

I have been reading The Ringing Cedars series by Vladamir Megre and it has been quite the journey the past few days. I have had a strong urge to move when my lease is up into a house where I can have a garden and get back in touch with the earth. I think that is why I was so drawn to gardening as a child. I remember being so happy playing out in the garden, watching the tulips sprout and daffodils bloom. I was obsessed with plants for most of the early part of my life. Somewhere, I think as a teenager, I left that part of myself behind. I would love to get back in touch with it. I'm actually even considering becoming a bee keeper. I think that would be amazing. I really want to overcome my fear of bees wasps and hornets and the like. I love how this idea feels! The best part of all is that I would also save money by having a housemate. I love how this idea feels! Now to allow it to happen by 10/31/10 (the date my lease is up.) It will be exciting indeed to watch things develop and unfold! The idea of a house just lights me up!

Every blooming thing and creature speaks to me.
They remind me that my truest self lives in serenity.

Keeping it simple today..

I just think that really when you boil life down, we're all looking to be happy. I'm feeling happy today. Enough said!

Free as a bird,
I float on my joy.

Approval versus Integrity

I found myself in a very interesting situation with my band last night. We were playing a show where the room was just energetically dead and disinterested. I allowed this to throw me off my groove. In fact I can honestly say it was a wooden and empty performance on my part. This got me thinking... Why do I play music? It is for a love of the art or for some kind of approval? I think that there is an underlying element of approval that I've been seeking. In fact, though I am passionate about what I do musically, I tend to second guess myself and wonder how my creation will be received. This isn't the point. In fact even if the room is dead, I can be alive and passionate in what I'm doing. That is my job as an artist. I should be able to love what I'm doing even with an audience of one bored person. I'm actually really grateful for the show last night because it has me reassessing my reasons for pursuing my career as a performer. I think that when I can learn to make it only about my art, I will have the ability to tackle the tough gigs like last night's gig without being phased. I've read story after story about artists that I love having shows where they were booed off the stage. That's the tricky thing about approval: you're never really going to get 100% or really enough to give you full confidence in yourself. Approval of yourself is the only form that is lasting. I feel today that I can get back to basics. I perform/write/sing music because it's who I am. I am an artist and creator. I would do this for free in my empty apartment just for my cats, so why should I care if I'm well received or not? That isn't my intent behind my music. It's about self-expression and having fun getting out there. With that being said, I think it's time to keep the momentum going and schedule another show! Life is very very very good here in my vortex. In fact, if I'm in the vortex about performing it won't matter if the approval is there. I guess it's time to put my money where my mouth is and get in the vortex about my music.

When I am whole and aligned with me,
I'm an inexorable force of nature.

The clouds clear...

Well, I discovered yesterday that I needed to channel the angst I was feeling into something positive. Creation is such a wonderful thing. I can't even express how amazing I feel. So much better today than I did yesterday. Creation is such a wonderful thing because it gives an outlet for energy that would otherwise be stagnant and stuck. I think movement in any way is better than being stuck. So, glad that energy moved!

Beautiful release.

Days like this

Well, I guess I had to have one at some point. Today was a major bummer in a lot of ways. I think I made a serious mistake this weekend in being vulnerable with someone who had no appreciation for it. I'm beginning to see a pattern in myself this way. Well, we'll just leave it at that. I know I need to choose happier thoughts and just move on. Sometimes that can be so challenging though. Ahhhh. Ok. Hmmm. I'm thinking about taking a certain action. I mean, I think it may be a very positive choice on my part. I'll have to sleep on it and see how I feel tomorrow. Poem time.

This is an unasked for eulogy.
I cared, though you didn't care that I cared.
You will be missed.

Well, here I am on day 72. Wow. Time is flying by. I found something interesting out about caffeine and meditation. I think the two simply just don't mix. I think that caffeine may be contributing to our cultural sense of lack in the area of time. I have noticed that when I am caffeinated, I tend to feel more scattered and less organized. True, time does go by faster, but I feel like I've accomplished less. I wonder how much of our cultural anxiety is caused by caffeine abuse? It was an interesting thing to mull over today. I think I'm off it for good this time. No point in doing something that doesn't leave me feeling good.

Beautiful flower,
I'll patiently await your unfolding.
The journey is worth it!

Gratitude for my meditation practice

Life is so good when I meditate. I feel calm and grounded after my morning practice of meditating. I don't have a lot on my mind specifically. One thing in particular jumps out at me. I've been working a lot lately with a dream journal to remember and control my dreams. I've started becoming a lucid dreamer. It's been interesting. My dreams tend to have a silver boundary to them. It's almost like being in a movie. I definitely credit some of this breakthrough to my meditation practice. Well, poem time!

Discordant drums beat their chaotic beats
They tear the world apart.
People against people.
Country against people.
People against nature.
Will the world never know peace?
Perhaps when we can set aside the drums of war
And pick up the pipes of peace.

Missed a day..

Well, the inevitable human thing happened. I missed a day. However, I think it was for the best. I had a lotttttttt on my mind yesterday and was processing some big stuff. I like to think of today as a fresh new David. Ahhh. So good! So, what are my thoughts about today? Hmmm. I was thinking how amazing life is at yielding to me what I want when I expect to receive it. I also was thinking about how my only job is to get happy and allow the good things to come to me. That has been so true lately! I feel like I have shifted in a big way. I really got present to a destructive pattern with who I choose to let in my life. I realized that I had been raised by a narcissist and so had a penchant for choosing narcissists as friends. One friendship in particular that I ended recently was particularly bad. I realized that a narcissist was the perfect vibrational answer to my people pleasing. They say a victim for every perpetrator. I say a narcissist for every people pleaser. I was able to get present to how I was being and how that kept this situation constantly in my life in different guises. No more Mr. Nice guy! Well, ok. No more Mister Nice guy when my boundaries get pushed! I feel really good and powerful today.

I am David hear me roar!

Angry as hell and finally able to be with it and admit it..

Well, I had posted something really nasty in this particular post, and decided that though it served at the time, it no longer does. I am going to go back to detaching from the situation. This particular incident was a lesson for me in detachment. I'll leave the poem though because I like it. haha

Poem for the day:

Fuck off and die you psycho bitch.

Angry

Well, today I got angry about a lot of things. I learned that storing an emotion away isn't the same as dealing with it. I'm really grateful for the experience of getting angry. It felt really good! I'm going to keep it short today because that's what is going on with me.

Get pissed and let it go!

Feeling good.

It's a new dawn and new day for me. I feel really, really in my vortex today. I realized that I have some excellent tools to help me in my desire to get back in alignment with me! I can write and channel my angst into my art. I actually wrote two new complete songs today. I still have some other ideas that I need to write about. It is a powerful exercise. I definitely feel that by channeling my emotions into my writing, I'm taking a positive path. Also, I have to say that my meditation practice was so necessary today. I love that I found on outlet for the overwhelming emotions I was feeling. I guess that's the wonderful thing about art, right? So, poetry time.

Scarlet letter me.
Put me down.
It doesn't matter.
Approval is such a sad path to pursue.
The only approval I want this time is my own.

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks...

It truly doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. We came here to leave everyone else on the planet out of the equation. That is a magnificent thing! Sometimes I forget and need to be re-minded, but I love that I can always get back to that. There have been some huge learning experiences for me lately. I have found myself really loving life after the contrast. Expansion always happens whether we expand with it or not. I'm glad I chose to expand this time. Life is really magnificent. I also learned that I have to take my power back and give my attention to the only thing that matters: how I feel! It really doesn't matter what anyone else does. That's the magnificent truth of this reality. Ahhh. I live for days like this one!

Eternally now
Never past or future.
My power lives here.

Deliberately choosing to feel good no matter what...

Well, once again I am back in my vortex. It's such a nice feeling! The bottom line is that no matter how severe the contrast evoked by a situation, there is nothing stopping me from getting back to a feeling good place. The circumstances are either the road-map back to bliss, or the excuse for not feeling good. I took my power back today and decided not to let the uncontrollable bother me. Uncontrollable circumstances abound. I've noticed that if it isn't one thing, it's another. I can choose any number of things to be frustrated over. It's easier and harder to choose something that feels good. Easier because life flows better but harder because it's not what most of us are used to doing. Thank God for the presence of mind to choose something.

Just be...

20% of the way through my year of meditation

It has been an interesting ride thus far. I have realized and learned many wonderful things from my meditation practice. Also, writing a poem every day no matter how trite or short has helped me to realize that being a writer isn't so much an accomplishment or action as it is a state of being. I am grateful for my practice. It helps to keep me grounded and happy. Meditation isn't always easy, but it seems at the most difficult points in life that I gain the greatest benefit from my practice. I like to think of it as a quick time out from reality or pressing the cosmic pause button. I don't think it's about arriving anywhere, but rather about the journey. I know that I have been much happier than I ever have been and more stable and grounded. That alone makes this practice worth it. Ok, poem time!

Crushing, chewing, smacking, biting teeth and tongue devour the banquet.
A hunger deeper and more empty than space consumes me.
I would devour everything in my path in the hopes of being full.
This emptiness and hunger can never be filled it seems though.
I could consume the universe and still it wouldn't be enough.
No, this emptiness needs to just be ok as it is.

Lessons on compassion and patience

Today taught me patience and compassion in a big way. Sometimes, life or those in our life present us with a particularly strong bit of contrast. It may even seem deeply personal and directed as an attack. I remembered today, thank God, that nothing is truly personal. People are all living in and creating their own interpretation of reality. It's not someone else's job to behave in a way that makes me feel good: it's my job to wrap my head around what they are doing in such a way that I can feel good about it. Sometimes, this may seem impossible from where we sit. We may think there is no way to feel good about a set of circumstances or a person. That is when moving up the emotional scale comes in handy. Sometimes our access to feeling better is revenge. Sometimes, it may be anger. It doesn't mean we have to act out of these emotions, rather it means we get to play around in them a little bit. Usually, quicker than not, the anger gives way to forgiveness and compassion. We suddenly see things from a different perspective. I personally had a reminder that I can't control anything another person does, period. So, why get upset when they do something I don't like? So, that was a good reminder that is always my decision to be upset about something or let it go. Also, it reminded me that no one can do anything to hurt or upset me. It's always my choice. Thank you for this lesson!

Scarlet letter
Upon my back
Scarlet letter
Etched in black.

Blame me for everything
I'll be scapegoat.
As long as it helps you feel better.

The intricate modern world

I have heard a lot about getting back to simplicity lately. I thought about this. I understand the utopian ideal and that subconscious desire to return to the "garden of eden" so to speak. What I wonder though is if we can be there even amidst the crazy modern world? Meditation seems to me to be a very valid option to get there. Human evolution has happened the way it has, and really it isn't possible to go back. Many of the modern conveniences are wonderful. I for one am happy that I can hop on a plane next month and see my friend Thomas. It's an interesting conundrum. In many ways life is much crazier than it has ever been, but in many ways I think we have more options for happiness than we have ever had before. I mean, in the past people had way fewer choices than we do today. I can choose to follow whatever spiritual path I want. Can you imagine deciding to be an Atheist during the Middle Ages? Ha. That would not have gone over well. I guess I'll just keep meditating and enjoying the wonders of the modern world. After all, if we focus on the positive we're more likely to attract that.

Pain, real and present pricks at my heart.
I can feel a visceral sensation in my guts.
It's like they are about to tear themselves inside out.
I feel the air knocked out of my chest.
What is this? Who would have known shame could feel this awful.

A needed conversation late into the night...

Well, last night brought me a conversation that was so needed. I love my friends. That's all I can say. This conversation reminded me how important it is to let what doesn't serve go. Human beings always talk about what they would like to be different in their lives. (I include myself in the human being label) We talk of more love, better love, a perfect soul mate, success, riches, abundance, health/vitality, wellness, etc. Somehow though we aren't willing to give up what may be standing in the way of what we want. Sometimes it's a toxic friendship, a toxic lover, that junk food habit, our television watching addiction, sugar addiction, inability to moderate our drinking, etc. It can be many things and we'll justify why we need that thing or ignore our dependence. We become entangled and attached to the very thing that stops us. Like an upset 3 year old, we cling to that security blanket for dear life. What would life be without it? Too scary! Too unknown! No, it's better to stick to the known. Hey, we may not get everything we want that way, but at least we know what we'll get. So much safer that way. For me I realized that I tend to keep around romantic expectations that don't serve me. I'll meet someone I'm attracted to that really could never reciprocate my feelings and I'll keep my little rose colored reverie as a comfort blanket. Someday they'll see me. Someday they'll reciprocate. I realized how toxic and self-destructive this is last night. My attachment to people that could never work means I'm always entangled and frustrated. It wreaks total havoc on my vibration and prevents the person that can fully reciprocate my love from coming in. I made a decision. From now on, I will decide clearly and concisely. A person either can be that possibility or not. No more in-between prospects. It may seem a bit dogmatic, but I feel that life is waiting for us to decide. Without deciding, we cannot summon creative energy to us and we stagnate. I can definitely see how these energetic entanglements I create for myself cause my romantic life to be stagnant. So, here's to a new leaf! Turning it over.... ... .... Now!

I can choose to exit the maze of mirrors any time.
That disclaimer blares over and over again over the loudspeaker system.
But why? Being stuck and struggling is so familiar.
I've really never known life to be any other way.
So, why risk leaving my self-constructed maze when I may hate it more outside.
Nah, I'll stick to delusion and a shadow life.
Nothing ventured nothing lost.
That's my view and I'm sticking to it.
Besides, I have such amazing powers to criticize others from where I sit.
Heaven forbid I get out there and do worse than them.
I really don't think I could handle the caustic remarks directed back at me.
I'm fragile dammit. Don't people get that?
Who cares if they are? They don't matter anyway.
Safety is what I choose. Safety and self-delusion.
It's playing small. I get that. But I just wanna sit on my stump, my soap box
I want to preach and rail against people safely from my bubble of inaction.

Patience

It's amazing how in some aspects of my life I'm able to let things just be while in others I can't seem to let go of control. I find it fascinating. The areas where I can leave well enough alone seem to be the areas in which I absolutely thrive. I think life is more about letting go than it is about meaning. I spent so much time running around trying to make some meaning out of the chaos that is life and it only caused expectations and desires that keep away the very thing I'm wanting. Such a conundrum! I feel like sometimes I have Chinese handcuffs on or something of the like. Well, I guess that is why I meditate. Really, to let go of control, to let go of expectation, to let go of how I think something should look. It's all a process. And poem time!

Why should I even bother?

Peace

Peace is born out of the calming of conflicts. Peace exists in total acceptance of what is. What is is what is. Why argue with that? I have to say that meditation has shown me the path to peace in any situation. There is no amount of anger that cannot be turned to calm. There is no frenetic anxiety that cannot be quieted in solitude. I feel so blessed to have my meditation practice. I learn more and more as I meditate. I learn to not only accept myself more, but also others. The desire to control or change people and situations totally dissipates. Once I accept reality as it is, I suddenly am freed to create anything I want. The energy spent fighting what is, pushing against, can be turned to magnificent creation. That is the beauty and magic of life. That is why we should give our undivided attention to what we want and let reality just be reality. With enough imagination and pretending, a new reality is easy to create. That is the miracle of our existence.

I am so powerful that sometimes I scare myself.
I am so capable and enough that at times I pretend I'm not.
When I came here, I knew my ability to create was unmatched.
Sometimes, when life seems hard I just need a little reminder.

The equality of all things..

I had a profound realization this morning as I watched the sunrise and walked my little sister to her bus stop. I suddenly realized that there is no better source of joy out there. Joy is joy. Anything that makes me happy is priceless be that a sunrise or a friendly smile or a million dollars. I also then realized that any situation in life is not inherently better than an other. For example, being in a relationship isn't better than not being in one nor is being single better than being in a relationship. It is only my mind that establishes a sense of greater than and less than. Wow. That is the source of misery. My decisions about better than and less than. It doesn't mean that I shouldn't want a relationship, it just means that I shouldn't push against being single. Anyways, poem time!

I've got me.

Looking at what is going right...

Meditation is a constant reminder for me that I choose how I experience the world. I succumbed to a moment of pessimism yesterday. I allowed myself to let circumstances out of my control make me feel bad. Rather, I should say simply that I chose to feel bad. It is always a choice isn't it? Luckily, I sat and remembered that one unpleasant thought will only draw another and another and another and another. Meditation allows me and all of us to break that cycle. When we quiet our mind, we are given a blank slate to rewrite our experience in that moment. Thankfully, the reverse is true. A positive thought leads to another and another and another until an avalanche of well-being floods in. It almost seems to come out of no where. It is exhilarating to step back into the vortex of well-being that is truly mine. I realized that I had gotten caught up in the uncontrollable. Once I surrendered control, I hopped right back into the flow. It was like escaping from a powerful current to a peaceful, lazy river. The power in the current was only my negative thought patterns. Meditation is truly a gift that is priceless to me.

Yet unseen or unheard
It brews, bubbling in my mind.
Ideas and worlds without end.
Something or someone beyond form.
What, I cannot tell.
It incubates in the fertile fields of my imagination
Waiting to burst forth into new life.
Already alive 1000 times over.
A hunch.

Solitude

Today, I got back in touch with my center. I feel so good. I realized that I have a tendency of getting a little frenetic, especially when my life gets busy. Today was a nice relaxed day that allowed me to get back to that. I know that my perception of time is how time occurs for me. When I'm hurried and stressed, life happens that way. When I'm relaxed and chilled out, life occurs like that for me. So, I want to keep my entry brief today because it's a day of repose for me. I love that!

Microscopic and negligible.
That is what I am in the grand scheme of things.
Yet more important than the universe itself.

Honoring boundaries..

I had a lesson today about honoring my word and my boundaries. I have communicated certain boundaries within my business of what "works" in the relationship. Part of that is my 24 hour policy. I realized today that when I don't enforce my policy, I'm actually breaking my word to my students and myself. I realized how this detrimental not only to me financially, but also to my students that do always give me proper notice. I took the bullet and enforced it today and I felt amazing! I realized how much energy I had wasted by not honoring my word and splitting my energy. I think we all tend to definitely understand honoring our word and being authentic with others; however, it's harder to apply the same standard to oneself (at least I've noticed anyway.) We too often forget to include our relationship with ourselves when it comes to integrity. After re-communicating the boundary, I felt lighter and able to move on. I made an agreement with myself today to not worry about the reaction I get when I honor myself, but rather worry about the honoring myself and my word with me. It was a nice thing to be re-minded of.

Today is okay.
Tomorrow will be better still I think.
I'm always in the tomorrow it seems.
I can't wrap my head around just being here now.
Cares and worries, goals and ambitions, so much to focus on.
Well, anything to avoid myself.
Anything to be somewhere else but where I am.

Here I am again...

Well, this post is a little belated but I had a busy day. Ha. Not really busy in the strictest sense of the word. I was busy relaxing and also reading. I found out something interesting about meditation today. It instills a desire to withdraw from time to time and be alone. I was at a wedding today and noticed that I wanted very much to withdraw periodically and take in the surrounding plants and trees. Meditation causes me at least (and I would be many others) to be a bit more still, a bit more introspective. This is new for me. I've noticed that life is filled with information that I was missing because I was so busy talking or distracting myself. The information is all right there to be easily digested for those that are open to receiving it.

I don't really feel like a poem.
So this is it.
Some half-assed shit.

The art of telling a different story...

I love how today feels. I feel so open and happy. I realized talking to a guy on my way out to teach that life is really about telling a different story. You can't look at what is and expect to get anything different than what is. I've seen the truth of that with my voice studio. I can't wait to see how visualizing a different story will affect other areas of my life. Ahhh. Life is so good at the moment! I can't even describe how good... I feel so fortunate and blessed to know what I know. If I want anything, the universe can provide it. That is reassuring indeed! I even experienced this with my voice. I realized that if I visualize my voice functioning in a balanced manner, than it will do so. I need to spend time pretending that my voice is balanced and free to make that manifest in my life. It's not that my voice isn't balanced already, I just know that I will always be looking for greater and greater balance with my voice. Like life, my voice will never reach a point that it is "done." That's exciting! The adventure of life after all is expansion. I didn't come here to sit on a stump after all. Ok! Poem time.

I sit down on the stained and weathered bench.
Next to me is a man with brilliance in him.
His story goes largely unheard.
Like a diamond caked in coal, he is unseen.
Few can see past his rough exterior at the brilliant soul that lies within.
I see it. I don't feel pity for this man. I feel inspired.
The alcohol can hide the shine.
The story he tells can distract the world, but not me.
I will always see him as perfect and whole.
I will always see his disenfranchised brothers as franchised.
Humanity is more the same than different.
I don't mind listening to his story.
It doesn't change what I perceive.
The potential isn't wasted or lost. It is expressing itself in its own way.

Somedays are just ok..

Well, there are ups and downs in life. That is inevitable. I'm having an eh day today. That's ok though. i think it's best to meditate and get back in the vortex. That is where all my magic exists. Wow. Just saying that? It already calls me back into the vortex. Exciting! Meditation is the path to a more quiet mind and thus the path back into the vortex. Really, I don't have much more to say today. Well, brief is not always bad.

Keep it simple and sweet.
It can't be beat.

Connections...

Can I just say that it feels so good to have Law of Attraction line me up with amazing people on a daily basis? I feel so privileged to share the time I do with these people. The world is filled with amazing and wonderful people. Ahhh. Life is so beautiful when we allow it to be so for us! I can see that so clearly now! So much is going right and well in life that it overwhelms anything that we perceive to be going wrong. Ahhh... I feel blessed indeed from where I sit now! The well-being in my life is truly profound. I am loved, abundant, and headed where I need to be headed to. Life is a perfect unfolding even when I see only imperfection. So good to be alive!!!

I'm free. Born free, die free. Live free.

Morning thoughts...

I typically don't write this blog first thing in the morning, but that is how it worked out today. I sit here sipping my morning coffee and thinking about life. I think not with fear but with joy about what is ahead of me. I feel in some ways that I have unlocked secrets for myself. I'm so blessed to have undergone the recent changes I have undergone. Life is not always easy, but it has a way of giving us exactly what we need to grow into who we want to be. I never thought I would say this, but I'm grateful that I've been so alone lately. Aloneness is an amazing gift. I have clarified so many things in my time alone and the space away from others. That is a very, very good thing. Creativity and insight have bubbled up when no one is around. I'm grateful for having my own magnificent apartment. Yesterday was my day alone and it was magnificent. Well, mostly day alone. I used to be so afraid of being alone, so uncomfortable. Now, I wear it like a second skin. I think all of us are happier when we can just be with ourselves. So glad I learned this one so young!

A single drop drips down the glass
Salty, salty tear of regret.
Lamenting that it isn't more, isn't different.
So what? Maybe it shouldn't be more.
Things have unfolded as the have
And who am I to argue with reality?
Sometimes, I wonder if this isn't the source of misery.
Sometimes I'm sure it's the source of our misery.
Go like a lamb before the slaughter.
Something tells me my surrender can save me yet.
There is no death, only rebirth into another form.
Endless chances to play another role.
So, since time is on my side, I'll just choose
Without the fear or choosing wrong
Because I have an eternity to get it right.

Getting up to speed

I feel sometimes like I'm on a roller coaster of my own emotions. Thank goodness for the grounding meditation practice I've established. I don't know what I'd do without it. It keeps me sane in this reality. It helps me to tell a different story from what I'm observing. Life used to be so conditional. Every day of meditation seems to take me further and further along the path of just letting life be what it is. I feel blessed for each day. Every new day is a miracle in and of itself. I feel so privileged to be on the path I'm on and to have the wonderful people I have in my life. I feel blessed for all the amazing people in my life. I love my apartment and cats. I love the healthy food I get to eat everyday. I love the music and art that fill my life. I'm just happy in this moment. I know I won't always be happy, but I know that I can always get back there sooner than later.

The mists rise and fall dreamily.
I cannot see much past my face.
But... I trust enough to take another step, and another, and another.

Gratitude

I feel like today is a day for gratitude. I had a powerful realization today about a pattern I wasn't looking at. I want to voice my gratitude to all the ones that helped me to learn this. It has shifted my entire outlook on life. I thought of myself as one that didn't hold onto things, but I realized today that I was wrong in one sense. I realized that I have held onto failed romances for a long long time. I didn't do it in an obvious or pronounced way, but I still did it. How can something new come into my life if I'm already occupied with the past? I began to wonder... How many times have I been out with someone and talked about someone from the past? How many times have I compared the person I was with to the old flame? I wouldn't want to be on the other side of the table at such a date. Really, I was never able to be present with who I was with at any given point because my mind was already subtly elsewhere. How sad is that! Well, today was the day I gave that up. I realized how insane and damaging it is to focus on the what ifs and the failed romances. I also realized that it was a little crazy to sit there and play out such a scenario as if I had been with this person. I assumed all sorts of things about them and about how it would be with them. In reality? I had no idea because it never happened. Einstein said: "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." This is exactly what was going on in my head. It was like a never ending loop. A one track CD on endless repeat. Thank God I control the mix and can finally put something new on to play instead. That is the beauty of life! I realized too that non-attachment also means not getting attached to outcomes and not building my lovely castles in the sky. Plain and simple, when I meet someone, I know little about them and little about where things are going. If I can just stay comfortable in the not knowing, I think things will unfold as they should in a perfect way. That may mean love, and it may mean just a fleeting experience with something learned and gained. The only way to really know is just go with it and find out!

Not knowing kills me.
I want to open that damned flower!
I can't wait anymore.
I feel like a child the night of his birthday.
I know some amazing gift is coming my way
But... I just don't have the patience to wait.
I want to peek underneath the lid!
Just one glance please!
Let me shake the box!
But my mom says no, no, no.
She smiles that elusive, secretive smile.
"You'll find out tomorrow dear."
Ugh! I want tomorrow now.
I want the manifestation without the journey.
I want the reward without the work.
It's childish, but I'm a child dammit.
I didn't sign up for all this waiting.
I've almost forgotten what I was waiting for.
Psh. I'll cheat the universe and see for myself.
Once I know what to expect, then I can wait and be content.
Can't you just for once let me make the rules?
After all, it's my life.

Just be

I had a reminder today to just keep being who I'm being and doing what I'm doing. Life has been joyous to say the least the past little while. I love that through deliberate intent, I've been able to retell my life story as I want it to be. I quested today for knowledge on what could allow my lover in vibrational escrow to come to me. The answer? Just keep being the joyous and authentic person I truly am deep inside. It reminded me that there is nothing I need to do, nothing I need to prove, no test I need to pass. Life isn't a test. Life is a journey of expansion. Well, at least I can say that's what it is for me. It's not about proving my worthiness of love. I'm worthy of love now, and I have so much love in my life now. I took a deep breath and let go of my need to control how things manifest for me. It's not my job. The universe can handle all the cooperative components I'm pretty sure ;) So, my commitment is to sit back, get happy, and watch my life unfold perfectly.

There's nothing out there
That isn't already in here.
What I seek is really within
So, let me turn in again.

Telling a different story

I have realized that the Law of Attraction is so real. It is visceral to me. I can feel its influence in every aspect of my life. My life has gone from amazing to miraculous over the last few weeks. I cannot tell you how blessed I feel. I want to take a moment and be grateful for what I have and what I do not yet have. I am grateful for all the kindred spirits in my circle of friends. I realized that few have the kind of love and support that I do. Some people have a best friend. I have many. All of my friends are special and precious to me in different ways. I love how supportive they are and how they all show me how to shine. Just know that all of you are loved! I'm grateful for my career as a Vocal Instructor. Can I tell you how amazing it is that I get to help people discover their voice? I love almost every moment of my work! It is truly amazing. My students are yet another magnificent gift. They all come with different voices and styles, but they all bring me joy with the music they make. I'm grateful for a thriving studio. It seems that i get more and more calls everyday. That is yet another blessing. I'm grateful for an abundance of time to spend rediscovering myself each day. I'm grateful for my music and art. I not only get to help others find their voice, I get to use my own to perform and share. I'm grateful for my band, Le Cygne, and the outlet it gives me to share and create. I'm grateful for the Teachings of Abraham. They have helped me regain my sense of humor in many a challenging situation. I'm grateful for all the mentors and teachers I've had along the way that have been part of my growth as an artist, singer, healer, teacher, and channel. You all are priceless to me! Most importantly of all, I'm grateful for myself and that I get to be here in this moment writing this blog. Being David is nothing short of miraculous! I can't wait to see where that takes me!

Green glass doors part gracefully
Revealing a goddess.
She smiles and shines like the sun
I would touch her with my rough hand
I know she'd ease my troubled mind.
Love, love, love, she whispers.
It is her mantra, her song to me.
She reminds me of its echo everywhere.
From the bugs buzzing around my head
To the asphalt jumble we call the city.
It is always there if you look for it.
You don't need me to be happy.
My love is everywhere, always.
It's only your job to receive it.

The now...

I realized again today for the millionth time that I am exactly where I need to be. I sat at an open mic remembering that this is where I'm meant to be artistically. The longer I focus on what hasn't happened, the longer I keep it away. All will unfold as I align with it. It is universal law. I also have to say that I've witnessed the power of visualization. It is magical indeed! I can't believe what is beginning to unfold in 3 short weeks! I get now that we must spend enough time each day deliberately recreating our lives in order to bring something new into our experience. That's just how it is. I feel so lucky to be so young and to have gotten this! It is beyond exciting! I also have to say that I have felt my love that is coming. Beyond magnificent! Ahh. Life is so good!

Now
Now
Now Now NOW NOW!
It screams reminding me.
That voice inside my head.
All i got is now.
Might as well make the best of it.

Eye of the storm

I've noticed today that stress and anxiety can't be helped sometimes. No one ever promised that life would be all easy. I guess I should be grateful for anxiety and stress. They show me the path to even greater well-being. I have to say too, that sometimes the stress and work involved with expanding are so worth it. Thank God for time to unwind and settle back down! My meditation practice has been so helpful to me in this regard. I really actually don't have much else to say tonight strangely enough. Huh. Well, perhaps a one word poem.

Infinitesimal

Stars and trees

I sat tonight meditating beneath the stars and the trees and I remembered. I remembered my connection to everything that is. I remembered that I truly am God and that God is in everything around me. It was such a beautiful feeling of peace and grace. I realized that I truly am a unique piece of the whole and for that alone deserved to be cherished by myself and others. Everyone on this planet deserves to be cherished and loved. We must find that part of ourselves to manifest it in our lives. Such love and well-being are always available to each of us. I love the fact that meditation helps me to access that! It's such a beautiful thing! Well, I think that about says what was on my mind this evening after my meditation.

Pure trees
And a gentle breeze.
Does it get better than this?

Carpe Diem

The pendulum swings to the opposite direction yet again! I realized today that life is partially about seizing opportunities when they show up. The trick is to be able to act without attachment to the outcome. I needed to practice listening better, and now I see that my past reckless action tempered with listening will yield a healthy middle medium. I need to allow but I also need to be willing to choose too. I need to voice my preference and decide in order for the universe to line it up. I can't sit back and say I'll just take whatever. It would seem that my ability to act and assert my preference wasn't totally a bad thing. I like that there is a new healthy medium. It's not a good idea to throw oneself at people; however, playing it safe is just another imbalance. I definitely feel that I've been playing it safe the past little while. I'm ready to play full out again and risk whatever may come. I'm willing to accept that sometimes it will go my way, sometimes it will not. I'm also willing to not be reckless. I'm willing to listen to my intuition as it speaks to me! Bring it on universe! I'm ready! Poem time!

I'd rather die having fun and taking a risk.
Who wants to die in bed anyway?
The world isn't scary. It just is.
The excitement and adventure are out there.
It's my job to sift through and figure what I want
Then I'll follow the beat of that drum wherever it may lead.